Fall is in full force yielding a color palette that Monet would have died for. The falling leaves, Honey Crisp apples, football games, big sweaters, boots, puffy vests, hayrides and… yikes hayrides! As much fun as they are, the mere mention of the word sends a shiver of anxiousness down a sorority girl’s spine. It’s not every sorority girl, just the single ones who are not even in the “talking stage” with a guy, and yes, I am a part of this elite group.

Fall ushers in a season of so many activities to fill one’s Lilly Pulitzer agenda. Recruitment and installation, tailgates, socials, fundraisers and date parties. Hayride is the first on the list that sets one into a JFK Space Center mode… countdown till the day of arrival. And I don’t mean, “Woo-hoo! I can’t wait.” It’s more of a, “Oh no, I only have 60 days to find a date.”

This is a real concern that tops for many a to-do list. And with each passing dateless day, the anxiety is magnified. School work gets brushed aside as one microscopically looks at their social groups of people, i.e. guys that they know. With that being said, one must get down to business because you don’t have a second to lose. 

The list for hayride, in ranking of priority, looks something like this: 

#1. Fun date 

#2 Hand-painted jugs 

*#3 Hayride outfit 

*#4 Drink 

*Numbers three and four are the least of one’s worries. 

Let us examine the rational and anxiousness causing number one, finding a date. Date parties mean, “a date.”  Now I know that you will beg to differ with me, but speaking from firsthand experience even if someone tells you, “Yeah, its cool we can go as friends,” whatever you do, DON’T believe them. There is something about a cold night, the smell of bonfire in the woods, flushed cheeks, a beverage in hand and all the things that you set straight at the beginning. Well, they get thrown into the fire. The last “friend” hayride I went on turned out to be a complete mistake. Although all friend status documents were signed before hand, the next thing you knew, all bets were off. I ended up helping a poor intoxicated guy that I didn’t know, who was dateless and may not have made it back on the bus had I not felt sorry and concerned for him. Well, consequently my "friend-date" was NOT happy. He thought that perhaps all the things discussed in advance would not really apply once the bus left. He was upset, accused me of leaving with this other guy, which was unequivocally, contrary to the truth. He later apologized. I accepted but we are no longer friends. As for the, “feeling no pain guy,” he too thanked me and called me an angel. I was happy I was able to help. Unfortunately, the hayride was a total catastrophe. 

After the “friend” stormed off, I ended up taking the bus back alone, surrounded by all the couples enjoying their date, a.k.a. making out with one another. No, this will not happen this year. So you must find a guy you are totally comfortable with, one that if you don’t want the evening to go any further than a hayride, they totally respect you and are on the same page. Otherwise, it is a recipe for disaster. Another concern, what if you want to consider asking a guy you have recently met? The guy seems cool but is an approximately six-hour hayride too long of a time to be with them? What if you realize you don’t have as much in common or they are not comfortable with your friends? Maybe they are not Greek and might not get the whole “Greek hayride” experience? Add this mix to the stress. Perhaps you are considering asking a guy that one of your sisters had a thing with. Do you ask? The appropriate thing to do is to go directly to your sister and inquire. After all, blood is thicker than water and you don’t want to jeopardize your family relationship. Just keep that stress coming… 

Number two, the jugs... My first experience with a hayride jug was a quick trip to Meijer. Bought a jug and used a bit of puffy paint… X, WRONG. Totally wrong. First with the rush on jugs, you have to remember months in advance to purchase them; otherwise, you will go looking for them and find all the stores shelves completely sold out. This my friend, is your first jug-stress. Now if you are fortunate to find them, next comes the decorating. These jugs are works of art that will be treasured by the recipient, until such day as they are married to someone else and must dispose of this relic from their wild college days. These jugs rival Picasso, truly. The creativity and thought that these women put into them is unbelievable. My hope is that the recipient would be very appreciative. As well for noncreative people, like myself, this is another added source of angst. 

Numbers three and four are basically no brainers. Cute jeans or leggings, flannel shirt, vest, boots, beverage of choice and you are good to go. 

Fall hayride 2014 has come and gone. Fortunately, I had a date that is an awesome guy and a great friend. We are both on the same page. He is easy on the eyes, which is an added bonus too. The full moon on the crisp autumn night topped off the evening to what should be a highly anticipated fall event for all the right reasons. And now the countdown begins till semi-formal…