In a shocking series of events, P.S. 1218’s Fall Spectacular, their fall "concert," if you could even call a bunch of schoolchildren singing off-key and muttering sounds half the time because they forgot the words a concert and not a parent's personal hell, was not a complete trainwreck. “My kids have been in it for the past few years,” one disappointed dad slurred between nips from his flask. “I…I’m glad I didn’t have to be that drunk for this one. Although, have the record state, I am starred- spangled hammer.”
Second grade teacher, Miss Meehan, also expressed her astonishment. “This group of students proved they are way more talented musically than any class I have ever had. I don’t think there will be any Billy Joel’s or Mariah Carey’s to come out of this group, but maybe, say, a Bruno Mars or Britney Spears. People with just enough talent and a low enough moral code to make it in the business.”
However, some parents were upset at the content of the music. Song choices included “My Humps” by Fergie and “Anaconda” by Nicki Minaj. “They were singing songs they shouldn’t even know exist,” said one mother who doesn’t understand that the internet exists and all the cool kids these days are listening to songs about sex since kindergarten. “The fact they were listening and singing them over and over worries me.”
Other parents had opposing views on the raunchy song choice. “During Chris’s solo of 'Ignition (Remix)', my daughter was a back-up dancer. If you’re going to teach her to dance like a whore, at least teach her right. Now, I have to deal with my daughter being a shitty exotic dancer. Do you know what that feels like?” one mother complained. “Like, now I have to go home and teach her the right way to twerk. What am I even paying taxes for?” Despite the controversy, we can all agree that next year’s concert will most likely be far worse.
