How To Take Rejection Like A Pro

How To Take Rejection Like A Pro

As my sister likes to say, "You win some, you lose most."

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Rejection is more common than success, yet we hear about it so much less. "Boasting" about any failure- romantic, professional, or personal- comes off as self-deprecating, uncomfortable, and doesn't make progress, but it is completely okay to acknowledge it briefly and move on from there.

Constantly winning is actually pretty rare. It only seems so common because everyone shares their little wins with others. With that, after a string of heavy losses, hearing other people's highlights could bring you down. Jealousy and envy is not a pretty look on anyone and brings out the worst in even the best people. The most damaging aspect of jealousy is dragging other people down to make yourself feel better. Rejection and failure hurt, but comparing yourself to other people only hurts everyone more. Supporting others is being a better person.

With that said, vicariously living through other people's success is much different than being happy for them. Being over-involved crosses boundaries in relationships. It is not people's responsibility to bring happiness to others. You don't have to believe in karma to know the universal rule of "what goes around comes around." Be kind and genuine with your intentions. It is okay to ask for help but using someone and hold them to a promise they cannot guarantee puts pressure and strains the relationship further.

On a more personal level, knowing you tried your best, or at least put yourself out there, is significantly better than never getting an answer. Being friend-zoned by your crush or getting denied from an opportunity doesn't mean you're not good enough, it means it wasn't the right time. Everything has its time and place. Until then, patience and perseverance are your best friend.

Perseverance doesn't mean going back to the same problem and asking for another chance. That's just like beating a dead horse. It will get you nowhere. Taking a step back to recover is understandable and necessary for self-reflection and moving on. Throwing yourself for anything without careful thought or consideration is draining. Nobody is invincible to feeling unacknowledged or unqualified after losing back-to-back. Even when it seems impossible to win, never give up. Not saying this opportunity is worth walking away from forever. Taking initiative is one thing and people don't always succeed on their first try. If it is the right thing and meant to be, the opportunity will present itself to you again.

Moving forward involves trying new things and improving yourself and it isn't always easy. Failure can crush self-esteem and put you down. The embarrassment is passing but can become looming if you let it. Overcoming rejection builds a stronger and more confident version of yourself.

It means knowing you're qualified and or loved despite getting turned away. Your self-worth is worth more than anyone's opinion on you. Unrequited feelings do not make you unloveable. Being denied from your dream job doesn't make you unqualified. As long as you can walk away from rejection with your head high and keeping your dignity, you will always win.

Failing is a part of life and happens more often. No opportunity is worth how great of a person you are or take away what you could bring to the table.

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PSA: Keep Your Body-Negative Opinions Away From Little Girls This Summer

But our own baggage shouldn't be shoved on to those we surround ourselves with.

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It's officially swimsuit season, y'all.

The temperature is rising, the sun is bright and shining, and a trip to the beach couldn't look more appealing than it does right now. This is the time of year that many of us have been rather impatiently waiting for. It's also the time of year that a lot of us feel our most self-conscious.

I could take the time to remind you that every body is a bikini body. I could type out how everyone is stunning in their own unique way and that no one should feel the need to conform to a certain standard of beauty to feel beautiful, male or female. I could sit here and tell you that the measurement of your waistline is not a reflection of your worth. I completely believe every single one of these things.

Hell, I've shared these exact thoughts more times than I can count. This time around, however, I'm not going to say all these things. Instead, I'm begging you to push your insecurities to the side and fake some confidence in yourself when you're in front of others.

Why?

Because our negative self-image is toxic and contagious and we're spreading this negative thinking on to others.

We're all guilty of this, we're with family or a friend and we make a nasty comment about some aspect of our appearance, not even giving a single thought to the impact our words have on the person with us. You might think that it shouldn't bother them- after all, we're not saying anything bad about them! We're just expressing our feelings about something we dislike about ourselves. While I agree that having conversations about our insecurities and feelings are important for our mental and emotional health, there is a proper and improper way of doing it. An open conversation can leave room for growth, acceptance, understanding, and healing. Making a rude or disheartening remark about yourself is destructive not only to yourself, but it will make the person you are saying these things around question their own self worth or body image by comparing themselves to you.

My little sister thinks she's "fat." She doesn't like how she looks. To use her own words, she thinks she's "too chubby" and that she "looks bad in everything."

She's 12 years old.

Do you want to know why she has this mindset? As her older sister, I failed in leading her by example. There were plenty of times when I was slightly younger, less sure of myself, and far more self-conscious than I am now, that I would look in the mirror and say that I looked too chubby, that my body didn't look good enough, that I wished I could change the size of my legs or stomach.

My little sister had to see the older sibling she looks up to, the big sis she thinks always looks beautiful, say awful and untrue things about herself because her own sense of body image was warped by media, puberty, and comparing herself to others.

My negativity rubbed off onto her and shaped how she looks at herself. I can just imagine her watching me fret over how I look thinking, "If she thinks she's too big, what does that make me?"

It makes me feel sick.

All of us are dealing with our own insecurities. It takes some of us longer than others to view ourselves in a positive, loving light. We're all working on ourselves every day, whether it be mentally, physically, or emotionally. But our own baggage shouldn't be shoved on to those we surround ourselves with, our struggles and insecurities should not form into their own burdens.

Work on yourself in private. Speak kindly of yourself in front of others. Let your positivity, real or not, spread to others instead of the bad feelings we have a bad habit of letting loose.

The little girls of the world don't need your or my negative self-image this summer. Another kid doesn't need to feel worthless because we couldn't be a little more loving to ourselves and a lot more conscious of what we say out loud.

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Stand In The Mirror

An exercise in self-love.

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If you're reading this, then I want you to stop what you're doing right now, get up from wherever you're sitting, and go stand in the mirror.

Yes, that's right. Close your laptops, put down your phones, and walk to the closest bathroom, or vanity, or wherever else you can see your reflection the most clearly. Pretend like you're the only person in the world for a little while.

Are you there? Good.

Now I want you to look at yourself, very closely.

Start with your eyes. How beautiful they look underneath the light; you can see all their colors, just like a painting! Something that unique belongs in an art museum, don't you think?

Those eyes of yours have seen so many wonderful things. Think of all the sunsets they've allowed you to witness, all the times your best friends have grinned from ear-to-ear and all the books you've read.

Now, look at your lips. Think of all the lovely people they may have kissed, all the Thanksgiving dinners they've touched and all the funny faces they've helped you express.

Think all of the times they've opened to exude laughter and joy, to express awe and other associated feelings words cannot express.

Now it's time to examine your arms. Shrug your shoulders and admire the way they fall so gently at your sides, like water flowing from the mouth of a river. Think of all the wonderful things they've helped you to reach, of all the trees they've helped you climb and monkey bars they've helped you swing through. Think of all the people they've hugged, and all the dogs they've helped you pet.

Finally, move to your legs. Think of all the races they've helped you win, all the hurdles they've helped you jump through and all the lengths they've helped you swim.

Think of all the pristine places they've carried you to, and reflect upon all the places you'll soon be heading to.

Can't you see now that you're a masterpiece, dripping with color and beauty, emotion and experience, from every fiber of your being?

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