Facing Confrontation Head On

For as long as I can remember, I have always been the person that struggled with confrontation. The mere thought of it scared me. I would rather swallow my feelings about a situation in order to keep the peace than to outwardly express them and create unnecessary drama.

I can remember always being told the cliche pieces of advice growing up such as "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" or "be the bigger person and walk away." And while they are solid pieces of advice in some aspects, I feel that they are quite misleading. Being a nice human is something I believe we should all strive to do, and I can say for a fact that sometimes there are certain situations where there is truly nothing to do besides walk away. However, "being nice" and "walking away" from your problems instead of actively trying to resolve them can become so draining on anyone.

In the past year or so, I have faced several situations where I chose to relinquish my emotions for the betterment of a sticky situation or a person. Every time I chose to sit back in silence and not speak up for myself, it caused me to feel so set back both mentally and emotionally. I basically gave the people I surrounded myself with full reign to walk all over me, and essentially do whatever they pleased all because I was too scared to take up for myself.

I never really realized just how overpowering this fear of mine was until I was finally ready to try and conquer it. One of my resolutions for the new year was to become more confident and comfortable in standing up for myself. And while I hardly ever stick to my new year's resolutions, I have truly been working at this one.

It has honestly been a struggle, and it is something I am still in the process of improving upon. At the end of the day, I still am an enneagram type 2 and a person who aims to please others, but I can confidently say that I have made progress.

I have gotten to the point of being able to bring up my thoughts and feelings face to face with the concerning party, rather than over a text message or a phone call. I have become able to accurately describe how I am feeling, instead of clamming up from anxiety. Most importantly, I have learned how to have these difficult confrontations with a person without losing their friendship or respect, which has always been one of the main sources of my fear.

Coming to terms with being non-confrontational and working to fix it has showed me that I am not alone in this as well. I have had countless conversations with different friends about their struggles with this issue, which really opened my eyes to how important confrontation is. Confrontation is not a screaming match, but instead a conversation where all feelings are heard, respected and valued. Being able to handle confrontation is a skill that I believe is vital to maturing into adulthood, where difficult conversations are bound to happen more and more often. Learning to stand up for yourself and how to express your emotions is so important, and is something I hope every person learns how to do.