I grew up in a Christian household. We went to Church every Sunday, prayed before going to bed, and blessed our food before every meal. But even as a child, I didn't understand who Christ was or what he should mean to me. I knew we worshiped him and if I wanted to get into Heaven, I should do the same. So I did. It wasn't until family turmoil hit and suddenly, we stopped going to church every Sunday. There was no longer any blessing of the meals or praying before going to bed; at least for me anyway. I no longer knew who Christ was or why I should keep him in my life. It also didn't help that I was exploring different science classes and as a kid in middle/high school, there was no explanation for Christ or why I should practice a faith that had no premise to it.
It wasn't until recent years after moving out and going to college that I started finding different rabbit trails that kept leading me back to Christ. When I lost my grandparents, six weeks apart from each other, I started questioning my faith and why God would do such a thing if he were real? But then, I found myself wanting to believe in him. I wanted to believe that there was a place that both of my grandparents went to after dying. I needed to believe that. Throughout the next year, I spent time exploring different scriptures or ideas that backed up the all of the logic surrounding the faith. Slowly, but surely, I was finding my way closer to Christ.
A year later I had an awakening, or self-realization moment. It was the end of 2017 and I remember looking back on that year and thinking about how awful it had been to me. To be honest with you, I don't even want to remember any of it leading up the the month of November. It had just been a ruthless slap in the face all year to me. But you know what, it was the end of 2017 and it was already looking better for me for 2018. My conscience felt like everything that was weighing on it was suddenly freed and I found myself starting to think of what I valued most. The first thing on that list for me was Christ.
It didn't happen all at once or lightning fast. This discovery and realization was a slow and gradual one for me. I started by purchasing a bible. Sure I could have always googled different scriptures but if I really wanted to grow from this experience, I wasn't taking any shortcuts. I was going to read the bible. The bible I purchased was a "She Reads Truth" bible. I purchased this one specifically because it provided me with different study plans, ways of interpreting different passages, and highlighted key quotes for me. So I sat down at my local favorite coffee shop and broke out my highlighter and pens and started reading.
Purchasing the bible was only the first step to my newfound realization. I found myself looking up different lectures and sermons online to open my eyes even more. This could be as simple as opening up YouTube and searching sermons on your passage of choosing. For me, I had already opened the doorway to Christianity when I decided I wanted to be closer to God. The actual footsteps through were the purchasing of the bible and the listening to different sermons.
Even now, after only a few months of researching and practicing this faith, I already feel closer to God. To me, this is almost like a new religion from the one I grew up with. This is my religion. I can practice it on my own terms and interpret it the way I want to. It is still an ongoing process, which is to be expected. I cannot click my heels together three times and command myself to be an expert on faith. It has to happen naturally and on it's own.
The moral of my story is telling you to be patient with Christ. Do not force it to happen overnight. This has to happen naturally. As long as you are open to finding Christ, he will find you.
