I moved into my tiny dorm a little over a month ago, and to say it's been a bit of a transition is an understatement. From learning to share my space with three other people to relying on myself to keep track of everything I have going on, the past month has been a lot of moments where I realize how different everything is now.
I didn't expect to be so homesick almost immediately after I moved in. The first week I was so busy with band camp I didn't realize how fast the week flew by, and then all of a sudden it had been a week and I was ready to go home. Of course, I couldn't go home, I still had camp and classes hadn't even started yet, but I wanted something familiar.
I didn't expect making new friends to be so hard. I've grown up with the same friends for at least five years, and the only new people I would hang out with were underclassmen, but I've essentially been around the same group of people for all of my life. When you're one person in a class of over 7,000 at a university, the idea of even making one friend can seem like it won't matter, because you're just a blob in a faceless mass of people here. I know it's only the first month, but not having anyone who just knows everything about you without an explanation can be lonely. Almost every day I call at least one person from home to just talk, because I feel like I don't talk with people here besides for school.
I didn't expect how much I would miss high school. Don't get me wrong, I'm so glad I graduated because high school was a nightmare, but at the same time, I miss how easy everything felt then. The worst that could happen to me then was getting a couple points taken off because I turned in an assignment late, or worrying about submitting applications on time. Your friends were always in the same general area as you, my social life wasn't spent hiding in a library by myself to get work done, I didn't get emails at 12:30 in the morning getting an assignment that would be due in twelve hours. Some days I wake up with this ache of nostalgia, for when everything was just easier.
I didn't expect to have the feeling like no matter where I go, I'm being pulled in opposite directions all the time. When I'm at school I miss my family and friends and just want to be back in my bed at home curled up with my dogs. When I do go home though, I feel like I'm missing out on so much with all my friends at college, and want to see them again.
I didn't expect everything about college to feel like a battle. To get out of bed, go eat, work out, go to class, do homework, go to rehearsal, and go to sleep. Some days are easier than others, but every day I wake up and remind myself it's a fresh start to making a better future for myself and others.