Your Step-by-Step Guide To An Existential Crisis

Your Step-by-Step Guide To An Existential Crisis

Finals are approaching, and so is the questioning of all reality

All life is meaningless, so why study for that exam? Why get up? Why not start crying into your cereal bowl?

As exam season rolls around once more for high school and college students alike, many people may feel themselves slipping into this nihilist state of mind in order to avoid studying, but the end is inevitable.

As someone heavily experienced in the world of existentialism, let me guide you through your experience, whether it be first or third, this upcoming finals season.

Step #1

For the love of God, or Budda, or even your mother, just cry. Let it out. We can’t even get to step two until a solid puddle of emotions has formed on the floor.

Step #2

Despite the temptation to simply look into the void and start crying endlessly, now is the time where you will realize that crying will also get nothing done, and you’ve probably wasted a good ten to twenty minutes as an emotional sushi. Now is where you will just float into the void for a little while, which is fine so long as you don’t stare at the wall for more than five minutes.

Step #3

Begin questioning reality, mostly your place in it. The exam cannot happen if you do not happen.

If can already accept that you exist, and that the universe exists, without too much question, then you will skip straight to the identity crisis.

Step #4

Here’s the part where you may start to want to scream, which is totally fine. Just do it into a pillow as to not wake up your dorm mates or parents. Existentialism tends to be disruptive to the environment if not properly cared for.

Step #5

Now comes the stage of understanding. It is inescapable. Exams will happen whether you like it or not. That essay is still going to be due. Screaming endlessly and staring into the void has done nothing but make the void feel yelled at and uncomfortable. You, and you alone, are in charge of your life, and can totally get through these upcoming weeks. Probably.

Step #6

Finally, acceptance. This may seem redundant, but accepting of the universe’s crushing reality is different than just understanding it. You must now accept the consequences of being a student, along with everything fantastic that goes along with it. You will never have enough time to study, that essay will never be perfect enough, and you will always be low on peanut butter. That’s just the way the cookie crumbles and you have to be ready to make it work, no matter what life throws at you.

The rest is up to you. No amount of articles, procrastination, or crying will help you get through an existential crisis, just listen to this British boy tell you the same thing.

If you ever find yourself in a slump, refer back to the correlating steps at any time to push through this time of questioning of all things. Good luck with whatever pushed you to the crisis in which you questioned existence in the first place, essay, exam or otherwise.

Cover Image Credit: Dan Howell (aka danisnotonfire)

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