As if we aren't still young, ever since we were younger I thought my life would fall to pieces if I lost you. It did. At first, it was the worst heartbreak I had ever experienced. Years were wasted, secrets were shared and a friendship was kind of wasted.
I sat in bed and sulked in tears as I searched for the courage to delete the 90% of my camera roll that consisted of photos of you and I. I would remember all the laughter, road trips, night outs and lazy days spent with you. After a long day at work, I could call anyone and spill the tea but they wouldn't care like the way you did or understand. My boy-related issues are now something I handle on my own. Any relationship advice I may need, I'll have to find on my own.
By experiencing all the sadness that came with losing you, I learned much more about myself. Yes, you were my best friend but I learned how to be dependent on myself and not on another person. I learned that I can love myself without needing you to gas me up 24/7.
I also learned that you may not have always had my best interest at heart. Any boy that came along you found something wrong with. You couldn't find it in yourself to ever be happy for me and now that you aren't here, I'm happy. I'm not just happy, I am thriving!
I am finally doing everything for myself. Being afraid to find new friends and meet new people is no longer something I have to worry about. I don't have someone else's drama on my shoulders and most importantly, I am just living my life happier than ever before.
This all sounds like I am bashing my previous friendship, but it is the exact opposite. What I learned is that I thought I had someone who truly cared for me but once we were separate I realized much differently.
Breaking up with your best friend might seem like a terrible idea, but if you have doubts about literally anything, those doubts might just be a sign. For the last few years of my friendship, I noticed that I would support her in every decision, as long as she was happy. She never did the same for me. Anything she needed, I was there right away. She never did the same. Over time, it became a one-sided support system and was no longer healthy.
What I learned and what everyone should be aware of, make sure your friends treat you with the same kind of support and love you do for them. You will be rid of bad friends and you will make the most amazing friendships.
All I have to say is thank you. Thank you for the memories and helping me grow into who I am. I truly wish you the absolute best.
Your Ex-Best Friend