This Is For You

When I first met you, I never knew you’d mean this much to me. Back then I had no idea the importance you would come to have in my life. I didn’t expect to grow so close to you. Sometimes you meet a person and you just click. I felt like I knew you my whole life. When we started talking, you became my best friend. You were the one I would tell everything to. You were there for me during major events in my life, good ones and bad. You were here to support me and cheer me on in all that I did. I’d even come to you on my worst days and you were there for me during my countless hours of unrecognized breakdowns. Even though I wouldn’t always voice them to you, you’d sit there in silence as I cried. You would say little things that would comfort me but little did you know, just your presence of being there was enough for me. You know, it’s crazy how someone miles away from you can be there for you and make you happier than someone who is right next to you. You surprised me from day one. You were the love that came without warning: you had my heart before I could even say no.

Loving someone with depression is like going on a rollercoaster you've never never ridden before, but with a blindfold on; you’re not sure what’s going to come out of it. It’s such a hard thing to do and sometimes it's tough, but it takes the right person to love you through it. That right person for me was you. I was hard to love, but you saw past that and waited for me. Thank you.

When I met you, I was in a rough stage of my life. At the time, I was very deep in my depression and nothing made me happy. I felt that I had no purpose; no reason to live. I didn’t think I was savable, but then you showed up. You've stopped me from ending my life so many times and some of them you never even knew about. I was going through a lot during the course of you coming into my life and I felt like I put a lot of my problems on you. I took out a lot of my pain and anger out on you which I’ll forever feel terrible about. You were nothing but good to me and I cannot thank you enough for that. Before we started talking, I no longer believed in the idea of soul mates or love at first sight but I started to believe that you might actually be able to meet someone who was exactly right for you. Neither of us were perfect, but perfection was created because we were together. Sometimes things come into your life out of nowhere but you have to trust them. It took me a long time to fully open up to you just because everyone I had opened up to in the past, had left me when I needed them the most. I was scared because I knew someone as great as you could never settle for a girl like me. I was a mess and a walking nightmare, who could ever love someone like that?

You always seemed to amaze me by never leaving my side. You loved me when I couldn’t love myself and that made me love you even more. You found parts of me I didn't know existed and in you, I found a love I no longer believed was real. You are such a pure soul who is so kind hearted. I’ve always loved that about you. You would do anything for anyone just to make sure that they were okay even if you yourself, were not. You showed respect even to people who didn’t deserve it but that was just because of your character. That’s who you were. I loved that you understood a lot which made things a lot easier. You saw straight through me. I never ever had to say anything, you just knew. I never knew that someone would ever mean so much to me. Enough to open up about my dysfunctional life and let you into it. You started to help me pick up the pieces and rebuild myself to become a person we both knew I could be. I cannot remember exactly the first time your soul whispered to mine, but I know you woke it. And it has never slept since. You changed my life without even trying, and I don't think I could ever tell you how much you mean to me. I can't imagine what things would have been like if I hadn't met you.

When I began to fall in love with you, I knew it would be something special. Not everyday do you meet someone who you’d think would have such a great effect on your life. Little do you know that person is the one you'd fall for. You’re the first person I ever loved and the first people who ever truly loved me. You made me feel a way that I never knew I could ever feel again. I felt a sense of warmth in my heart, it wasn’t so cold and feelingless. My head started filling with all things you, instead of the dark and scary things I once had in it. You started to love me back and even though I was scared, I let you in. For someone who had the worst trust issues in the world, I opened up my heart and trusted you. You were such a great person, I always knew that you would take good care of me and hold on to my little fragile heart.

I was only aware of two kinds of love. The kind you would kill for and the kind you would die for. But you are the kind of love I wanted to live for. You gave me life and strength to build us.

After we broke up, I felt lost. I wasn’t sure how to be alone again considering you’ve been in my life for the last four years. Even though we only dated for two, being best friends before hand made us really grow on each other. All those times I only knew all things you. Everything we did, we did together. Everything I knew, I knew because of you. You taught me a lot of things, but you never taught me how to live without you. That was something I had to teach myself. Moving on is a hard thing to do when your fingerprints are still on my heart, your voice still resonates down my body, your smile lives in my eyes, and everytime my mind wanders it goes directly to you.

There will never be a day that goes by when you won’t cross my mind. I’ll always be reminded of what we had even by a slight glance at something that reminds me of you. I think about the words you’ve said to me, the things we’ve laughed about, the memories we’ve made, the way you’ve looked at me, and the memories we’ve shared. You gave me the best years of my life and I’m honored to have been able to get to know you, really know you. You will always be my first love, my first heartbreak, and my first everything so you will always hold the majority my heart. You get me. You always have and you always will. We know each other more than we know ourselves. We know what is good for each other and we know what we deserve. I accepted you for you. Everything about you I loved, flaws and all. I looked past everything that ever came in the way of us and STILL found a way to love you with all I had.

I want you to know that no matter what we’ve been through, you’ll always mean more to me than you’d ever know. You don’t realize how amazing of a person you are and I don’t think you'll give yourself enough credit. You are such a beautiful, intellegent, free-spirited, outgoing, pure souled person. I wish you could see it. How you are so much more than beautiful. Anyone is lucky to have you in their life. You don’t deserve to be taken for granted and I hope that you never settle for less than you should receive. Anyone would be lucky to hold onto your heart and take care of it. I pray that you find someone who will be able to do that. I’m not sure where the future will take us, but I do know that if we ever cross paths again, I will be there like I have always been. If there comes a time where you ever need anything, I will be there for you no matter what. I believe that we were meant to meet for a reason and I believe that you were meant to leave your mark on me. I was always told to never give up on something you can’t go a day without thinking about. So maybe when we are older and our mindsets have matured, we will met again and start where we left off but if not, I hope that you find someone who will love you as much as I did and accept you for all you have to offer. Anyone would be lucky to have you, I know i was. You are a blessing sent from God and I know he sent you to show me my worth but, to also prove to me that loving someone was okay and most definitely worth it. You only get one soulmate and that was you.

Thank you for saving me. Thank you for accepting me as I am, both past and present. I changed, not for you, but because of you. You shaped me into a person I always wished I would be but never knew how to become. The love you surrounded me with was enough to cure me and teach me how to love. Meeting you was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I was stubborn at first, I know that but I eventually let you in. I will always love you and it will always be you. I'll always come back to us. There is no doubt in my mind that it would be any other way. I’ll never forget all of the things you taught me. You showed me all of the aspects of life that I was missing out on. You showed me how to love myself and accept who I am. Last but not least, you taught me how to love you. And when I loved you, I realized, I have never truly loved anyone, and never will I love someone the way I loved you.

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