The old saying 'we've all been there' doesn't apply here. I'm not making this all about girls, but in a society that believes men should be in control, far too many relationships get out of hand. In fact, one in three teens will experience some sort of domestic dating abuse.
Even worse, our society has become desensitized to it.
It starts out normal, or even better than normal. Mine did. I was living a literal fairy tale on Earth - flowers, surprise trips, and dates all the time. Cloud 9 wasn't even close to how I felt. That's the worst part; it was so perfect I never saw it coming.
Then bam! out of nowhere, six months goes by and you're on your way to your best friend's for a bonfire, and you get a phone call. You skip the call because you're talking to your friends. Then you get another call. And another call. And another. And finally the embarrassment of your phone continuing to go off gets frustrating, you have to answer.
Then comes screaming, yelling, assuming and name calling. "Why didn't you answer my call?" "What are you doing that's more important than me?" I never thought I'd put up with a man who treated me like that, but I was in love. He was just having a bad day. He missed me because we haven't seen each other in awhile. But these bad days turned into every time I wanted to see my friends. Every night I went out without him.
You really learn to not trust 'I'm sorry' in these sorts of relationships. There's always a second and third time, followed by another wasted 'I'm sorry'. But you stay because it was a bad day, a bad time, they were worried, scared you were hurt, etc. on the excuses.
There's always a way back in, a 'baby I'm sorry' 'baby I'll make it up to you' 'I didn't mean to hurt you'. That line is my favorite. You 'didn't mean' to hurt me? Because slut, bitch and whore are the new nice words. Hardly believable.
So here's to you, and me, and people who have heard, "baby I'll change" for far too damn long. I know it's hard, I know you're in love, I know you're under this spell that makes you believe this is how love goes. Let me tell you first hand--from someone whose been there-- there's so much more to life than this person holding you down.
Moving on is the hardest. It's hard to walk away. It's hard to accept compliments and love again. But it's necessary.
I was the lucky girl who met the man of her dreams through the bad situation. He held me up through all of the pain and threats. He protected me.
It doesn't happen over night, but you can start now.
1. Get up and walk away.
The controlling hold they have on you no longer is an option.
2. Get help.
You can't do it alone. I still deal with the repercussions of the past. Get the help you need to move on in a healthy way.
3. Be brave.
Tell people. Tell your friends and family; most likely they'll look back at you and tell you they already knew. Isn't that crazy? My friends, after I finally left my very verbally abusive relationship, told they already knew what was going on, but didn't know what to do.
I applaud them though, for trying to understand why I would stay in the relationship, why I still loved you even though you did that, before they jumped on me to leave you. They supported me when I had to leave early, when you made me do things. You took me from the people who cared for me most. The people who were still there when you were gone.
4. Find someone you trust to ensure you are safe.
I'm lucky because my relationship was mostly verbal attacks, but nothing that physical. If there is physical abuse going on in your relationship, I plead with you tell someone you trust before it gets worse. Just always let them know when you're with them and where you're going. I can promise you your ex will find you if they want, and they will show up unannounced.
I used to be angry that you took a year and a half of my life and twisted it into pure hell. You made me harsh, rigid, attention seeking, self-conscious and vulnerable. You made me fell inferior. You took me and stripped me down.
