Acknowledging subtle sexism is extremely important. Undervaluing people based on their gender is wrong. When women talk about the disparities we face, we typically don’t focus on the wage gap, we exchange stories of everyday moments that made us uncomfortable and instances where we were made to feel less than.
What do I call these moments that over time compound into an emotional burden shared by almost all American women? It is sexism. A subtle, perhaps unintentional discrimination that women face every day in repeated microaggressions from anyone.
In episode 7 of Aziz Ansari’s show “Master of None” -- entitled “Ladies and Gentlemen” -- the female characters share with Dev (played by Ansari) their day in the life of a woman. One particular scene involving a handshake triggered a flashback of an almost identical experience I had.
I went to dinner with my friend and we shared a table with a couple. We had a polite conversation with the strangers during breaks in the show. By the end of the night, the couple each shook hands with my friend -- who is male. A few seconds went by before I realized no one was going to shake mine, so I outstretched my arm into the awkwardness of the moment and delivered a firm handshake. If I hadn’t acted in that instant, no one would have reached for my hand. No one was intentionally dismissing me. But I sensed the underlying assumption that I was not an independent person from my male friend and the presumption that he spoke for the two of us.
This incident may seem trivial to some but it is only one of many that fall under the umbrella of sexism.
Here are a few other examples.
1. Told to smile.
When women work as cashiers or as servers, a male customer will finish an order with something like, “and I’ll take that with a smile.”
2. Cat-calling.
Shouting compliments at a woman as she passes is not flattering. It makes the woman feel uncomfortable, upset, and unsafe.
3. Shocking someone because you enjoy Sci-fi or Tarantino-esque films, for example.
We usually associate these genres with men and need to be open-minded and not stereotype.
4. Blaming PMS for being emotional or passionate.
Women’s hormones may fluctuate, but they don’t override a woman’s sense of logic.
5. A comment about your body being the first thing to hear from a friend, relative, or stranger.
Bringing up someone's body or weight brings it to the forefront of their mind, can create insecurities, and devalues a woman.
I have experienced each of these sexist comments. Most were not ill-intentioned (except maybe the cat-callers) and they were not meant to inflict emotional harm; however, over a long period of time, these small moments culminate into a weight that is not worth bearing. To be part of the solution to undermine sexism avoid the examples on the list and treat people how you would want to be treated. And at the table, always shake everyone's hands.
