"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, [...] it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us," Charles Dickens once said of being an English major.
If you've decided to major in English (and join the elite group of intellectuals like Conan O'Brien and Reese Witherspoon who are also English majors), you're a brave soul. Obscure literary references will become inevitable. Being the go-to authority on anything grammar-related will become the norm. Misuse of "affect" and "effect" will, sadly, become a pet peeve you'll never admit you have (guys, effect is a noun). Sure, you may be stuck doing freelance writing for the rest of your life, but majoring in English might be one of the most rewarding things you'll ever do. So if you're in it for the long haul (and you're an Office fan), this list is for you.
1. You can use impressive words like no one's business. (Ebullience. Antediluvian. Propinquity.)
2. When someone asks you to edit one of their papers, you have no problem stepping up to the plate.
3. People always ask if you're going to be a teacher.
4. You know finding a well-paying job may be the death of you, but you smile through the fear.
5. Math and science classes have you like:
6. You quickly learn that all of your fellow English majors are amazing writers.
7. You've had to delete words (or sentences... or paragraphs) from your paper to shorten it, because reaching the minimum word count is never your problem.
8. Your nightly homework load consists of SO. MUCH. READING.
9. Getting a bad grade on anything English-related is ego-shattering and heartbreaking.
10. Turning in a paper you know you'll do well on is gold.
11. Shakespeare = endless sexual innuendos.
12. Book > movie. Always.
13. You take it personally when someone doesn't like your favorite book.
14. Or your favorite author.
15. You'll never switch majors because English is one of the few subjects you really love.
