Ahem… Nationwide millennial attention, please: it’s time to elect the country’s 45th President of the United States. With T-minus 50 days until Election Day 2016, it’s important to acquaint yourself with the map to the ultimate finish line: The Oval Office. The presidential race is a marathon, not a sprint. Do you know the route to The White House? Do you consider yourself an informed voter? Study up or prepare for baby boomers’ smack talk.
What are the pre-reqs to run for Commander in Chief?
POTUS doesn’t need to be “over-the-hill," per say; 5 years shy of 40 is acceptable, permitting he/she is a natural born citizen of the U.S. of A., baby! He/she must call our nation home for at least 14 years, too.
Wait. There’s a presidential election process?
Yes. The presidential election occurs every 4 years. Snatch your “I Voted” sticker on November 8, 2016.
The presidential election process doesn’t resemble a typical election- it isn’t a direct election. It’s an indirect election with advancing progression. It kick starts with primary party elections (hint: preliminary election is to appoint candidates), followed by after parties party conventions to nominate political party nominees. The nominees then hand-pick their BFF a.k.a. vice president.
Should I give a shit? Can I even vote?
Cha-ching is not required to vote in the national presidential election- perhaps the only thing that’s free in our land of the free. But there’s a catch. You must be a naturalized or natural-born citizen. Oh. And you must be 18 years young and registered to vote in your residing state.
What are primaries and caucuses? Is this a dumb question?
In the words of your high school teacher, “No questions are stupid, sweetie!” Primaries and caucuses, caucuses and primaries. Presidential primaries and caucuses operate differently, but their objectives are alike: help the states to cherry-pick political parties’ nominees.
State primaries are run by state and local government, kept tight-lipped through secret ballots. Mum’s the word. On the flip side, caucuses are exclusive meetings held by the political parties. Think your high school cafeteria: people pick a lunch table according to the candidate they support. The band geeks undecided hide in a bathroom stall.
Both primaries and caucuses can be open, closed or both. An open primary or caucus permits people to vote for a candidate of any political party. A closed primary or caucus only authorizes eligible Americans to vote within their registered political party. Oh. There’s a mix-match of the two, too.
Are delegates “the cool kids”?
A definite number of delegates, or individuals who represent their states at national party conventions, vary from state to state because some states are more popular than others for clique-like reasons. They are the people who actually nominate the candidates at the party conventions. So the answer to your question is yes, they are the “cool kids”.
Can I get a scholarship to the Electoral College?
Yes. It’s called a “vote” for a Commander in Chief. It matters but it’s not your typical scholarship. You’re actually applying voting for electors who ultimately apply vote for your scholarship candidate. Plot twist. A candidate can win the popular election but still lose the states with the most electoral votes, and as a result, say, “See you next election, but probably not!” #socialsuicide
Read: You actually need to win the popular table votes, not everyone is eating sub-par cafeteria food. We have been personally victimized by Regina George the Electoral College.
Are political parties BYOB?
Not that kind of party.
Democrats are donkeys. They want what’s ideal for all Americans regardless of sexual orientation, financial status, age, gender, race, religion and so on. The donkeys nay for equality and justice for all based on community and social responsibility. They endorse high tax rates for higher income brackets.
Republicans are elephants. They’re into living the American Dream through a greater country, built on individual rights and justice. Their tusks are tired of taxation talk, and deem the free market to handle wages and what not.
More political posy scoop here.
What’s the sitch with The Supreme Court?
It’s 2016 so here is the 2016 sitch. There are 9 justices on the basketball court at almost all times- there are no bench warmers. Typically, the roster is divided between 5 conservatives and 4 liberals, but this year, the “Supreme Team” is one player short- Justice Antonin Scalia sadly passed away this past year. His sweet spot was on the right side conservative end of the court. An open position is uncommon during an election season. Justice try-outs generally take 67 days, but POTUS referenced the playbook The Constitution because, as the President, he can play point guard. Baller Barack dribbled down the wide-open left side. He shot, he perhaps scored. Swoosh. Possibly 2 points for the D.C. Donkeys. Refs The Senate has yet to make a final call because Scalia played offense is conservative and Garland plays defense is liberal. Cue potential shift in the balance of the playtime on the bench. Welcome to the team, maybe, Judge Merrick Garland.
What is Inauguration Day?
It is a ceremonial event that marks the commencement of a new president of The United States. He/she is sworn in, pledging to uphold the oath of office for a term of 4 years. On January 20th, 2017, the victor of the 2016 presidential race will address the country on the steps of the U.S. Capitol and assume the role of the nation’s 45th president.
Entranced with the 2016 presidential race? Fascinated with politics? Concerned about U.S. policies? Enthralled with conspiracy theories? Treat yo’ self to more political expertise next Monday. Expect a cheat sheet on the presidential candidates.
