A year ago my friend came to me with tears streaming down her face. She said she had been out with a guy who she considered a friend. They were on their way back to her house, but instead of dropping her off he turned off somewhere in her neighborhood and parked. He looked at her and asked about hooking up. She told him she would rather go home, but he refused to listen. He looked at her and said “well you aren’t dressed like that for nothing” and attempted to make out with her. Since he wouldn’t stop, she had to lie and said she felt really sick to make him decide to take her home. She told me she blamed herself for it even though the thought of what happened to her made her feel sick to her stomach. What she did not know at the time that what happened to her was sexual assault.
Even after that happened she was sexually assaulted two more times. Two. All three times she blamed herself, whether it was the way she was dressed or what she was drinking it was considered her own fault for what happened to her. The problem with that is, my friend did not give any form of verbal consent. Since no consent was given it was not her fault and never will be her fault. It is time to stop victim blaming.
After hearing about the Stanford rape case and reading the letter from the victim to her attacker, (please read this if you have the chance, it is extremely powerful and moving) I was outraged. Do people not understand what sexual assault and consent are? If you're a little confused let me clear it up for you. According to women’s health.gov:
Sexual assault is any type of forced or coerced sexual contact or behavior that happens without consent. Sexual assault includes rape and attempted rape, child molestation, and sexual harassment or threats.
The University of Michigan defines sexual consent as:
Consent is when someone agrees, gives permission, or says "yes" to sexual activity with other persons. Consent is always freely given and all people in a sexual situation must feel that they are able to say "yes" or "no" or stop the sexual activity at any point.
Now that you know the meanings of sexual assault and consent, let's look at some statistics. According to the US department of justice, only about 30% of sexual assaults are reported. This means that there are people all around you that have been sexually assaulted and have said nothing about it. In 2012, there were 346,830 reported rapes or sexual assaults of persons 12 years or older. 346,830 people did not give consent. 346,830 is the 30 percent being reported, when there is another 70% out there going unreported. Why is it going unreported though? Are people afraid to speak up? Are they getting blamed for what happened to them? Are people really that confused as to what consent is?
Consent cannot be assumed. The way someone is dressed does not give consent. If someone has had too much to drink, they cannot give consent. If the person cannot form sentences because of how intoxicated they are they definitely cannot participate in sexual activity. Assault is not an accident and the alcohol is not an excuse for it.
Alcohol is not the problem when it comes to sexual assault. Brock seems to think it is though. Plenty of people have been able to drink and also keep themselves from raping someone at the same time. Brock claims that his victim "liked it" and agreed to what he did to her after he found out that she could not recall what happened to her that night. He is unable to take responsibility for what he did and gets away with minimal punishment because he is good at swimming and should not have his life ruined for "twenty minutes of action". What he calls "twenty minutes of action" is this young woman worst nightmare. What he did to her has destroyed her in ways that many people cannot imagine. She is strong and brave to go to trial with this and fight back, but her life will still never be the same. It is an absolute shame that victim blaming is still a thing in this society. He deserves way more than 6 months and I am thoroughly disgusted with how his case ended. She deserves more justice.
Things like this happen everywhere to people and it goes unspoken and unheard of. Victims are scared to speak up because they are afraid of getting blamed. What happened to the victim of Brock and my friend was not their fault in any way. Too many people believe that consent is assumed because of the way someone is dressed, what they are drinking, or even just because they took the person out on the date and now they "owe" them something. There is always an excuse for what happens when it comes to sexual assault and I am sick and tired of it. If you assault someone that is ON YOU and not the victims fault at all. Consent is consent. It cannot be assumed and cannot be given if the person is intoxicated. It is time to raise more awareness of sexual assault and get the victims the help that they need to fight back.
