I Dread My Family Holiday Get Togethers Because They're Awkward Now

I Dread My Family Holiday Get Togethers Because They're Awkward Now

I miss how they used to be.

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My grandpa got re-married to a woman in 2010 after my grandma died in 2008, and since then, our family holiday get-togethers have nearly doubled in size and have gotten awkward.

Don't get me wrong, her family is very nice and they have accepted my mom, dad, brother and I, but since my grandpa got remarried, my aunt hardly talks to them, and I don't see my cousins that often.

When I do see them, I only talk to the two that I grew up close with, and one of them gives me dirty looks.

What used to be shrieks of laughter and playtime turned into dull conversations and fake promises to see each other again.

Pretty recently, our family get-togethers have been split into two holidays. One just me, my mom, dad and brother where we make our own thanksgiving dinner, and the newest tradition with my grandpa, step grandma, cousins and aunt.

I dread going to this one because my aunt is not as stuck up and resentful about it as she used to be, but because it feels like I'm walking on eggshells with every word I say. I don't talk about school or anything going on in my personal life because I feel like I'm bragging, and I can't talk about much else because my grandpa lectures me about how I spend my money - which, it's my money, why should he care how I spend it?

My step-grandmas side of the family isn't exactly perfect, either. We get left out of events and dinners that they host because we're not technically blood related. We usually find out about these through Facebook or my grandpa.

The holidays are supposed to be a time where you get together with your family and extended family who you probably haven't seen in awhile, eat some good food and catch up. It's not supposed to feel like a ticking time bomb, it's not supposed to lag on and make you think twice about what you're going to say or what your next move is going to be.

For those of you that have family get-togethers during the holidays that aren't awkward like mine are: please be thankful for them. I know that they can be pretty annoying having to tell 20-30 people the same story about your college life, friends and anything else under the sun, but please know that you have family who cares about you and wants to be involved in your life.

Even though I was only 12 in 2008 when my grandma died, I missed how we celebrated the holidays by eating at the kids table and drinking white sparkling grape juice. I miss not wanting to leave her house and say goodbye to my cousins, even though I knew I'd see them next weekend.

I miss how fun our get-togethers used to be. Now when Thanksgiving and Christmas come up, I dread seeing my step-family, and that's not how it should be.

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To The Parent Who Chose Addiction

Thank you for giving me a stronger bond with our family.

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When I was younger I resented you, I hated every ounce of you, and I used to question why God would give me a parent like you. Not now. Now I see the beauty and the blessings behind having an addict for a parent. If you're reading this, it isn't meant to hurt you, but rather to thank you.

Thank you for choosing your addiction over me.

Throughout my life, you have always chosen the addiction over my programs, my swim meets or even a simple movie night. You joke about it now or act as if I never questioned if you would wake up the next morning from your pill and alcohol-induced sleep, but I thank you for this. I thank you because I gained a relationship with God. The amount of time I spent praying for you strengthened our relationship in ways I could never explain.

SEE ALSO: They're Not Junkies, You're Just Uneducated

Thank you for giving me a stronger bond with our family.

The amount of hurt and disappointment our family has gone through has brought us closer together. I have a relationship with Nanny and Pop that would never be as strong as it is today if you had been in the picture from day one. That in itself is a blessing.

Thank you for showing me how to love.

From your absence, I have learned how to love unconditionally. I want you to know that even though you weren't here, I love you most of all. No matter the amount of heartbreak, tears, and pain I've felt, you will always be my greatest love.

Thank you for making me strong.

Thank you for leaving and for showing me how to be independent. From you, I have learned that I do not need anyone else to prove to me that I am worthy of being loved. From you, I have learned that life is always hard, but you shouldn't give into the things that make you feel good for a short while, but should search for the real happiness in life.

Most of all, thank you for showing me how to turn my hurt into motivation.

I have learned that the cycle of addiction is not something that will continue into my life. You have hurt me more than anyone, but through that hurt, I have pushed myself to become the best version of myself.

Thank you for choosing the addiction over me because you've made me stronger, wiser, and loving than I ever could've been before.

Cover Image Credit: http://crashingintolove.tumblr.com/post/62246881826/pieffysessanta-tumblr-com

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31 Thoughts That Haunt Halloween-Lovers All Year Round When It's NOT October

Because Halloween is clearly the superior holiday.

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April is here and that means we are officially six months away from the best month of the whole year: October. It's not just the best because I was born in that month, but because it holds the best holiday of all time: Halloween. For those of us who love Halloween, the months leading up to October drag on. Here are 31 things Halloween lovers are thinking right about now.

1. Six more months until October

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2. Is it too early to start decorating?

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The answer is no. Especially if you never took the decorations down in the first place.

3. Yes, I'm adding my Halloween playlist into my music rotation

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Spooky music = spooky vibes

4. Why does everyone hate Halloween?

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Clearly its the best holiday every

5. Who wants to have a Halloween movie marathon?

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6. 3 a.m. is the witching hour

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7. There should be two Halloweens

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One isn't enough

8. Is it socially acceptable to wear my pumpkin sweater?

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Yes the answer is yes.

9. Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice

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10. Candy corn is gross but also an actual mood 

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11. So I'm thinking a Halloween-themed BBQ

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12. What if I named my future child Wednesday?

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That makes me Morticia, right?

13. Did you see that orb? I bet this place in haunted

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14. Was the Monstermash an actual graveyard smash?

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Yeah it was.

15. Why are pumpkins not in season yet?

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16. Who would win: Dracula or Frankenstein's monster?

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The real question.

17. I need my halloween socks

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18. He's JACK the pumpkin king

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KING OF THE PUMPKIN PATCH

19. Trying to stay calm when when October is 6-months away

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20. Ghosts are SO real 

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I say while watching paranormal shows for the 100th time

21. Everyday is Halloween

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22. On Wednesday, we wear black

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23. Lets get spooky

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24. Mess with me and I'll put a spell on you

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25. Where's my broomstick?

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26. That's a bunch of Hocus Pocus

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When people say Christmas is better than Halloween.

27. Raise your hand if you ever felt victimized by people who start Christmas before Halloween

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We all know that one person.

28. The Halloween movie series is classic

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29. I wish I lived in Halloweentown

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Halloween 365 days a year.

30.  How many days until Halloween again???

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31. Halloween is cool

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