Dr. Sheldon Cooper's College Roommate Agreement
Start writing a post

Greetings, swine of the earth. Upon my latest injunction with the university, I have been given the rigorous task of creating a set of regulations that will be detrimental to your health, safety, and yadda, yadda, yadda...I stopped listening to the Judiciary Board when their statements no longer applied to me. However, you will at the very least have the distinct honor of receiving my knowledge. Although I am inclined to believe it would be more effective to impart this knowledge on a room of Labradoodles, my other option was another term with the geology department, and they are literally lower than dirt. Well, students, here it is: Dr. Sheldon Cooper's College Roommate Agreement.

1. In Regards to Food

Nutrition is a crucial part of human life. Therefore, you must consume food. But, you must eat your food, and only your food. Do not touch another individual's Thai food because you believe it "looks good." I wish my girlfriend, Amy Farah Fowler, would understand this point. Of course my food looks good, that's why I want it, and why I would like you to keep your contaminated fork out of it.

2. In Regards to Personal Hygiene and Bathrooms

Do not neglect your personal hygiene, as it affects more than just you. I should not be able to smell you and the cruciferous vegetable you consumed last night as you walk past me on campus. On a similar note, I should not be able to tell what you ate last night based on your fecal matter; flush the toilet and, for those males who lack decent coordination and aim, wipe the seat of excrements.

3. In Regards to Sleep Schedules

It is likely that you will not sleep in college due to your inability to grasp concepts in an efficient span of time. However, there may be among you a prodigy, not unlike myself, who wishes to get some shut-eye. Since you are the subordinate to such a prodigy, you must pay them respect. This means allowing them to sleep, and not waking them with your bothersome socializing. In the case that you do so by accident, several verses of Soft Kitty would always help me descend back to my slumbers.

4. In Regards to Research and Other Studies

College is the time for you to fill that hollow skull with some meaningful information. You will have to work diligently if you wish to make any progress, although from here you can only improve. Do your work, and do not put others in the position to share research. If I discover certain properties of dark matter, I want to publish the work on my own.

5. In Regards to Media Usage

Many people, except the likes of Howard Wolowitz, prefer to listen to soothing music over the unmelodious metal sound of bands like Nickelback. I do not, nor will I ever, feel the desire to look at your photograph. Therefore, only blast music if it's good music. Otherwise, use your headphones. No one wants to be deafened by your insufficient taste in music.

6. In Regards to Laundry

Since laundering your clothing is a fundamental element of not smelling like a chimpanzee, I must provide some rules. Make sure that you are cognizant of the time, since it would be illogical to let clothing remain in a machine so that another person could not use it. Furthermore, clean your lint trap at the end of your load. Although you are so uneducated that you do not know how to operate a dryer, it remains a fire hazard. Your inadequacy must not put others in danger. On the other hand, I do not wish to touch the hair you shed onto your clothes.

7. In Regards to Flags

Vexillology is one of my favorite recreational fields of study. Since I realize many of you are not sufficiently intelligent to understand, vexillology is the study of flags. Flags are a spectacular use of visual cues to embody a message, represent a country, or reflect a cultural practice. You should have fun with your flags! Hang them where you like, as long as it does not interfere with your roommate. Be proud of your flags and learn about the flags that other people hang in their spaces.

8. In Regards to Care Packages

I grew up in Texas, but luckily Mee-Maw still sends me care packages. They are often filled with goodies that she knows her Moonpie will love so dearly. Unfortunately, my roommate. Leonard, never seemed to appreciate the train sets that she sent. Somehow these presents always led to the discussion of how he had to build a hugging machine because his mother did not care to be affectionate. I discovered there was a correlation, so I stopped sharing about my care packages. You may not want to share your packages, either, especially if they are only good to use by yourself.

I have found that the best way to be a good roommate is to complain a lot; Leonard practically functions as a servant to me. If you have a problem, make sure to talk to your roommate. If you are consistent in your grievances, you will surely be able to force them to change.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Health and Wellness

Exposing Kids To Nature Is The Best Way To Get Their Creative Juices Flowing

Constantly introducing young children to the magical works of nature will further increase the willingness to engage in playful activities as well as broaden their interactions with their peers


Whenever you are feeling low and anxious, just simply GO OUTSIDE and embrace nature! According to a new research study published in Frontiers in Psychology, being connected to nature and physically touching animals and flowers enable children to be happier and altruistic in nature. Not only does nature exert a bountiful force on adults, but it also serves as a therapeutic antidote to children, especially during their developmental years.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

5 Simple Ways To Give Yourself Grace, Especially When Life Gets Hard

Grace begins with a simple awareness of who we are and who we are becoming.

Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

If there's one thing I'm absolutely terrible at, it's giving myself grace. I'm easily my own worst critic in almost everything that I do. I'm a raging perfectionist, and I have unrealistic expectations for myself at times. I can remember simple errors I made years ago, and I still hold on to them. The biggest thing I'm trying to work on is giving myself grace. I've realized that when I don't give myself grace, I miss out on being human. Even more so, I've realized that in order to give grace to others, I need to learn how to give grace to myself, too. So often, we let perfection dominate our lives without even realizing it. I've decided to change that in my own life, and I hope you'll consider doing that, too. Grace begins with a simple awareness of who we are and who we're becoming. As you read through these five affirmations and ways to give yourself grace, I hope you'll take them in. Read them. Write them down. Think about them. Most of all, I hope you'll use them to encourage yourself and realize that you are never alone and you always have the power to change your story.

Keep Reading... Show less

Breaking Down The Beginning, Middle, And End of Netflix's Newest 'To All The Boys' Movie

Noah Centineo and Lana Condor are back with the third and final installment of the "To All The Boys I've Loved Before" series


Were all teenagers and twenty-somethings bingeing the latest "To All The Boys: Always and Forever" last night with all of their friends on their basement TV? Nope? Just me? Oh, how I doubt that.

I have been excited for this movie ever since I saw the NYC skyline in the trailer that was released earlier this year. I'm a sucker for any movie or TV show that takes place in the Big Apple.

Keep Reading... Show less

4 Ways To Own Your Story, Because Every Bit Of It Is Worth Celebrating

I hope that you don't let your current chapter stop you from pursuing the rest of your story.

Photo by Manny Moreno on Unsplash

Every single one of us has a story.

I don't say that to be cliché. I don't say that to give you a false sense of encouragement. I say that to be honest. I say that to be real.

Keep Reading... Show less
Politics and Activism

How Young Feminists Can Understand And Subvert The Internalized Male Gaze

Women's self-commodification, applied through oppression and permission, is an elusive yet sexist characteristic of a laissez-faire society, where women solely exist to be consumed. (P.S. justice for Megan Fox)

Paramount Pictures

Within various theories of social science and visual media, academics present the male gaze as a nebulous idea during their headache-inducing meta-discussions. However, the internalized male gaze is a reality, which is present to most people who identify as women. As we mature, we experience realizations of the perpetual male gaze.

Keep Reading... Show less

It's Important To Remind Yourself To Be Open-Minded And Embrace All Life Has To Offer

Why should you be open-minded when it is so easy to be close-minded?


Open-mindedness. It is something we all need a reminder of some days. Whether it's in regards to politics, religion, everyday life, or rarities in life, it is crucial to be open-minded. I want to encourage everyone to look at something with an unbiased and unfazed point of view. I oftentimes struggle with this myself.

Keep Reading... Show less

14 Last Minute Valentine's Day Gifts Your S.O. Will Love

If they love you, they're not going to care if you didn't get them some expensive diamond necklace or Rolex watch; they just want you.


Let me preface this by saying I am not a bad girlfriend.

I am simply a forgetful one.

Keep Reading... Show less
Student Life

10 Helpful Tips For College Students Taking Online Courses This Semester

Here are several ways to easily pass an online course.

Photo by Vlada Karpovich on Pexels

With spring semester starting, many college students are looking to take courses for the semester. With the pandemic still ongoing, many students are likely looking for the option to take online courses.

Online courses at one time may have seemed like a last minute option for many students, but with the pandemic, they have become more necessary. Online courses can be very different from taking an on-campus course. You may be wondering what the best way to successfully complete an online course is. So, here are 10 helpful tips for any student who is planning on taking online courses this semester!

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments