For decades, gender norms have undergone significant seismic change. This time, change hits close to home (literally).

On Superbowl Sunday, I attended a viewing party. An out-of-town couple came, and when the game was finished, they began packing up - and by "they", I meant "she". The couple had come over together, bringing both their belongings, yet while he was saying his goodbyes, she was assigned the unspoken task of packing all their things up. He didn't offer to help once and when she finished packing both their belongings, they left. Is there no reason why he can't be held to the same standard to complete a simple task?!

How one is brought up is extremely influential in determining their goals, personalities, and function within society. In a survey of over 3,000 parents, researchers found that the mothers are twice as likely to be critical of their daughters compared to their sons (BBC News). What's more troubling is that this study found that one in five mothers surveyed reported that let their sons get away with more, choosing to turn a blind eye to behavior that they would reprimand their daughters for (BBC News). Ultimately, both studies find that parents intentionally hold girls to higher standards than expected of the boys.

Not just in terms of reprimand, but based on the testimony of mothers, it was also found that daughters are more likely to be assigned chores that parents wouldn't subject their sons to (Colgan, Dillner, and Orbach). While the purpose of household tasks are to teach kids accountability, by singling out girls to complete menial tasks while systematically neglecting boys, it teaches girls to automatically assume responsibility while allowing boys a "free pass". It also sets a dangerous precedent for allowing boys to view girls as servants assigned to complete the tasks that nobody wants to do. If that is how we as adults treat children, then that is how we teach them to treat others.

What is the result of this double standard parenting? Well, it's not pretty.

Having parental figures that are more critical and strict can induce a plethora of mental health issues - such as depression, anxiety, OCD, etc - from the constant feeling of being inadequate. Women are nearly twice as likely to develop depression (Mayo Clinic), which is unsurprising given the crushing amount of judgment they recieve just from their parents. In retrospect, having a "boys will be boys" attitude fails to hold boys, who will one day become men, accountable for their actions. What we have in result is a society comprised of insecure girls and irresponsible men. How can we expect true equality if we continually hold our boys and girls to different standards? The simple answer: we can't.

The effects of double standards happen regularly and closer to home than one may think. This year, I was fed a heinous lie from a very close (male) friend of mine. Disregarding the pain that his words had caused me personally, many of his friends continued to advocate on his behalf: "he just made a stupid mistake", "he's just being dumb" , and "he didn't mean it" were some of my favorites. While I struggled to comprehend my own hurt, one thing became abundantly clear: a 20-year old man should be held accountable for his actions in EVERY. SINGLE. WAY. Ultimately, I do forgive him, but I can't help but wonder if the tables were turned how different the narrative would have been.

The effects of having double standards aren't just pertinent in childhood stages. It also greatly affects future relationships, since partners struggle to find a balance point on the scale of responsibility. Men who have never been held to the same standard of accountability view their romantic partners as caretakers, or even servants and in retrospect, the woman in the relationship assumes the a role similar to one of a mother. This type of relationship occurs more commonly than one might think. For instance, while FaceTiming my friend the other night, listening to her complain about how her significant other doesn't appreciate all that she does for him, at one point she lets out an exasperated "but I'm basically his MOTHER". I was initially confused. WHY ARE YOU BABYING A GROWN MAN?! Both men and women are equally responsible for perpetuating the ideology that sex determines the level of responsibility that one has. This is a direct result of the way we've been conditioned from birth: when men are treated like children and women as mothers. This generates a toxic environment for the relationship to thrive in, which ultimately dooms it.

We all want to believe that we are live in a modern society and that inequality is a thing of the past. But the truth isn't nearly as easy to embrace. Sexism and double standards continue to exist, but not always in a loud, earth-shattering way that we expect. Sometimes it occurs in subtle, silent actions and in the way we treat one another on the daily.

Citations:

• Park, Alice. "How Dads Parent Their Daughters Differently Than Sons." Time, Time, 26 May 2017,
• Colgan, Jenny, et al. "Are Mothers Harder on Their Daughters – and If so, Why?" The Guardian, Guardian News and Media, 6 Oct. 2010
• Mayo Clinic Staff. "Women's Increased Risk of Depression." Mayo Clinic, Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research, 29 Jan. 2019

"Mothers 'Harder on Daughters than Sons', Poll Suggests." BBC News, BBC, 6 Oct. 2010,