My decision to not have kids has been cemented as Drumpf was sworn in as the 45th President of the United States (I literally choked on those words and it makes me nauseous). Betsy DeVos as the education secretary wants to create voucher programs for schools, she doesn’t know the difference between growth and proficiency, that guns should be in schools in case of Grizzly Bears, etc. Every pick Drumpf has made, they have no experience in their chosen field. Hate and prejudice won in this country. It’s sickening. The middle class will disappear. Children will not be educated in climate change and evolution. Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security, and the ACA are being destroyed. I don’t want to bring my kids up in a world that will still be recovering from this disaster and attack on minorities. I am scared for my life right now and I am a person of privilege – I am a middle class white woman living in Massachusetts. But yet, I am scared for my life because of Drumpf and his administration and Republicans. I do not ever want to bring a child into this world and experience what I am.
But, one of the other reasons I do not want to have kids is because of my mental health. I am not saying I would not be able to care for a child and love them, but I am petrified of passing down my mental health issues to them. I have dysthymia, basically, it’s depression that is long lasting and is more severe than just regular depression. I have double depression, really. I have tried to take my own life multiple times and struggle with suicidal thoughts, even at the age of 22. I also have anxiety. My mother had dysthymia, her mother struggled with depression as well. I have other family members who struggle with depression – it’s hereditary. If I had kids, there is too high of a chance that my child would have depression too.
People have told me that they may not and that the chance shouldn’t stop me from having kids. Are you kidding me? Would you tell someone who has Huntington’s disease to have kids because “they might not get Huntington’s”? No, I didn’t think so. So, don’t say it to me. Having depression is miserable. It’s a battle every single day. It’s literally a constant battle inside my head, one side saying I’m worthless, no one loves me, that I should just give up, that I need to die, etc. against the other constantly having to fight to keep me alive. You want me to give those feelings to a child? That’s child abuse. I have physically and mentally abused by other people. But, by far, the worst abuse I have suffered is from my own depression. I will not do that to an innocent child, to my own child. That is why I will never have kids.
