Yeah, no, I don’t get Halloween.

Growing up in a Christian household, my parents didn’t let us do the whole Halloween thing because of the meaning of the holiday with spirits and the underworld and what not. I used to be so mad about this when I was younger, wishing that I could participate in what I felt like the entire rest of the world was doing without me: Dressing up and getting free candy. I mean, is there anything better in life?

Now that I’m older, having never experienced Halloween, all I can really think about the holiday is… meh, what's the big deal?

Don’t get me wrong, I love fall. Everything about this time of year gets the basic white girl inside of me going: scarves, sweaters, carving pumpkins, doing basically any Pinterest project that involves burlap or leaves.

I will admit, though, that I’ve only recently realized my undying love for Pumpkin Spice Lattes (I know, revoke my sparkly Starbucks Gold Card right now). There's so much to love about fall, but I just cannot understand the hype about Halloween.

Really think about it for a second, though: If you’re a child, you desert the concept of “stranger danger” for a night to bug questionable characters in their homes for candy with the possibility of getting completely duped by the fitness nuts who give you apples or toothbrushes.

If you’re a girl... Well, I'm sure most of us have seen "Mean Girls."

And if you're a dude, you get to reap the benefits of watching girls compete to see how little they can wear before getting called out by other girls, so I guess it isn't so bad for you.

I'd rather spend money on PSLs than on costumes I'll only wear once. I hate scary movies and being scared in general and I can only handle being around so many slutty vampires at once. I'm too old to trick-or-treat at this point in my life and, quite frankly, I have trouble asking for things from strangers on a daily basis. I don't think sticking a costume on me will really change that.

Personally, all Halloween is to me is the date I look forward to because it starts the countdown to Thanksgiving, or as I like to call it, "The First Day Christmas Music Is Legally Allowed To Be Played." It also means discount candy at the store on November 1st, so there's at least one plus side.

So if you need me on October 31st, I'll be sitting in my room with some tea and a pumpkin pie-scented candle with my porch light off, crushing the hopes and dreams of all the little kids that knock on my door by ignoring them.