I just learned the concept of what "color" I am. Do you know your color? I am a blue - meaning I am passionate, have a heart that enjoys sharing love and caring for others, and have a lot of feelings and emotions to give. This is true. I feel everything. I base my emotions off of the vibes of others and feel deeply for others hurt, happiness, and struggles. I feel so much and feel so hard when it comes to my personal emotions but I cannot open up.
I have been confronted a lot in this past year about my life and how I am feeling. We all hate talking about mental health but it's serious. I have gone through the most difficult year of my life regarding my mental health. I don't deal with change well and like to hide my stress behind happiness and being with others. With a lot happening in my life, I have noticed people knowing what's going on but not understanding why I don't share more and why I don't dive in deep.
Why don't I?
I have some amazing friends who share everything. They open up to me about their lives and their feelings and I feel so blessed that I have friends and people in my life that want to share their heart with me. I, on the other hand, stay surface level. It takes me so long to uncover my real feelings. I like to keep bottled up because I think if I share too much, none of my thoughts and opinions will be biased and will stay untouched. But it's not fair.
Girls love to do what?
Gossip, talk, cry. "Typical" right?
That is a HUGE stereotype of young girls and women in our society.
Society thinks that we like to blab all day about gossip and other women and we can't go 30 seconds without sharing our latest heart-throb and sob and don't get us started on emotions. We will cry for days over cute puppies, hot guys that aren't available and a terrible heart-break.
Yes, some of this may be true - but also true for men as well. And for the most part, that is a very slim side of our society.
We as young females go through more emotions than you could think of thanks to stress of school, families, relationships, career opportunities, money, self-worth and so many other relevant things that can make us feel uncomfortable, moody and not ourselves.
I flat out struggle with coming clean and getting my emotions off my chest. People that struggle with sharing their emotions want you to know....
Just because I don't share everything doesn't mean I am happy all of the time
Social media can really influence this. I struggle with balancing my social media. Travel, fun events, and cute coffee dates can put out an image that really isn't sharing the REAL you. I really do love being happy and sharing joy but that doesn't mean that I am not struggling and don't have those insecurities.
Being vulnerable scares me
I love when people are vulnerable to me. But for some reason, it takes me so long to open up. I want you to know where I am coming from and the feelings I have but it will take me a while to get it out. Push me. I love being challenged. I need friends and relationships that push me to come clean and be the best version of myself. Sometimes, with so much bottled up, it can be hard to be our best selves.
I am really good at brushing things off and making things seem like NBD
It is a BIG DEAL! Why don't I think it is?? Emotions are a huge deal but I am so good and putting them on the back burner and when my heart is really hurting blaming it on something else or pretending it's not there.
But, with that, I can work on it. I can work on things that make me better at sharing my feelings, even if it's not with others. It could start with journaling and praying. A lot of my thought is able to escape by writing. Praying is also an amazing way to get all your thoughts and feelings out to someone that has no judgments.