I Don't Need You To Fix Me

"Flowers grow back, even after they are stepped on. So will I."

Just to be clear... none of us are getting out of here alive. I don't want to get out of this life without having experienced a broken heart. As humans, it is necessary for us to experience pain, because it reminds us that we are living. We're all broken, and I truly think it's all about finding someone whose broken pieces fit well with ours. Therefore, I don't need you to come along and try to fix me; that's not in your job description. I just need you to love me while I fix myself. I need you to be my guiding hand that will pull me back to the surface when I've taken on more than I can handle; only to allow me to try again.

I want to discover what it's like to put myself back together. I need to be cut and scratched by all my sharp edges to know how it feels to truly heal. I'm not looking for someone who will whisper sweet nothings into my ear to feed the ego of my heart. But someone who will look me dead in the eye and tell me they love me, come hell or high water, just as I am. The burden of trying to fix another person is far too heavy, and putting all your broken pieces in someone else's hands is foolish. I just want you to love me where I am... even if my life is falling apart like a Nature Valley granola bar.

I don't need you to come behind me with a broom sweeping up all my scattered parts; I need you to walk beside me while I gather them myself. I want you to take me from the place I'm in and accept it, loving me regardless of where I came from or where I'm currently broken down at. Because in the midst of my brokenness and chaos, I need to have a place that brings me back to love. I'll need a place that brings out the human in me and the soul in me. When my world has turned upside down, the only thing that's going to keep my feet planted firmly on the ground while I attempt to catch all my falling pieces is the refuge I find in that place. I need you to be that place. Even when I have no words or direction, I just need you to tell me that I am capable of anything.

There will be times where I will probably look like a frantic mess and as much as you want to run to my rescue, please don't. The only way I'm ever going to learn anything in life and grow as an individual is by picking myself up and brushing off the dust. It may take some time, but bear with me while I collect the pieces of myself I have lost. I will try to push you away, but don't let me. Don't let me run away, dig your feet into the dirt and show me that I'm worthy of someone who is willing to stay. I don't need fixing; I just need you to be present and understanding.

Here's the thing, I'm not trying to glamorize being a wreck. I hate to emphasize the fact that I've been broken more than a few times, but it's necessary. It's imperative that we recognize our pain as humans, find that person who is walking the same damaged path, and begin to evaluate our wounds. I am not perfect, and neither are you. We came here to be wonderfully human, flawed and messy, and then stumble out of our brokenness into something even better than any of us are capable of imagining.

So, please don't try to fix me, and before jumping into my world, ask yourself if you're willing to get burned because your broken heart will collide with my reckless soul and make the most beautiful explosion we've ever witnessed. I don't want to come out of this life unscathed. I intend to leave this life so shattered that there will have to be a million different galaxies for all of my flying parts.