I never felt beautiful. And it saddens me to know that millions of girls feel the same. These insecurities can stem from any experience whether it be a big traumatic one, or a small yet powerful one. Either way, every word someone says to you and about you has an effect on the way you perceive yourself whether it be consciously or subconsciously. I don't think anyone recognizes their potential until they leave home and go off to college.
My insecurities started when I was young, as every girl going through puberty can relate to. I had acne and a partial unibrow. I had a group of friends, but I was the weird one. I don't want to blame my emotional tendencies on my sign Pisces, but I do think that contributes to it. I was shy and anxious around people I did not know. I was always scared of what they thought of me. Little comments and sly digs would affect my perception of myself more than they should have. Friends joking around about one of my flaws would also contribute to that negative image I had of myself. It wasn't their fault, it was my insecurities eating me alive.
Boys. It seems that as soon as I arrived to college, all of the new friends I made had several boyfriends before entering college. I was shocked, partially because I've only had one in my entire life, and also because I didn't understand how girls found it so easy to start a relationship with someone. Boys were never really interested in me, one of the reasons I never felt beautiful and feared I wasn't good enough.
If you grew up in a small suburb like me, you know how drastic the change was moving to Boston-- the ultimate college town. And in those small towns, just about everyone has something to say about you whether it be good or bad. Those types of judgements also feed into my insecurities. We all want to be loved, admired, and wanted. But these insecurities get in the way of ever letting ourselves achieve our goals. That little voice inside your head will tell you, "Don't take that class, you're not smart enough," or, "Why bother talking to that cute boy, I have no chance with him," and even, "I want to hang out with friends but I'm afraid they'll reject me."
There is no way to avoid your feelings. You feel the way you feel, that's it. It is not up to you; it's your brain and your heart collaborating to make you feel crazy. Finding the confidence within yourself is the hardest thing in the world, but if you try hard enough you'll eventually feel fearless and unstoppable. Your insecurities will sit inside of your brain for as long as you let them. It's all about a lifestyle change. Take risks, challenge yourself, prove your inner demons wrong. You'll never recognize your true potential if you let fear keep you from trying. Tell yourself, 'Wow I look good today,' 'Damn, I aced that test,' 'I'm gonna ask that guy out.' The only thing holding you back is yourself. I never felt beautiful, but I am finally comfortable in my own skin.
