A few days ago, I was in the kitchen making lunch. I could hear my dad in the living room watching one of his shows. Nothing out of the ordinary. Suddenly, I heard the television go silent. He had paused the show to yell into the kitchen, “Hey, Elisabeth, do you know what you want to do, like after college?” Where on Earth this question came from, I do not know. “Dad...what?” I responded, confused for two reasons. The first was because, honestly, I couldn’t recall a time before this that he had ever asked me what it was I actually wanted to do, and the second, was because I wondered how the murder mystery TV show he was watching led his train of thought to that random question. Well, my answer was the same thing I have been telling people for the past three years, “I don’t know.”
Of course, just as most people respond, his reply to me was something along the lines of, “Oh c’mon, you have no idea? There has to be something you have in mind. How could you just not know?” Allow me to explain the way I work.
I am not a planner. No matter how I hard I try, I will never be a planner. I buy them every year, agenda pads, calendars, day planners, the works, and every year I fail to use them to the full extent. The problem is my goldfish-like attention span. I simply do not have the energy or willpower to focus on events in the future when I can barely focus on the ones occurring the same day! Because of this, I have never been the type of person who plans out their life, although I know many people that do. “Graduate at 22, engaged by 25, married at 27, and kids no later than 30,” my friends will say. I’ll just sit there like, “Uhh, so what’s everyone doing tomorrow? Beach?” You would think that, by now, people would understand that I am the last person to ask about what my future holds.
Now, that’s not to say that I am completely clueless. After all, I went to school didn’t I? I studied Communication for the past three years, so I’d be an idiot to say that my mind is completely blank when it comes to the future. I know that I like film, writing, photography, talking to people, that sort of thing. I know that I don’t have the brain for science or math, and that I do not want to be sitting in a desk all day. I’m not a completely lost cause.
In fact, I think that one of the reasons I find it so hard to pinpoint what it is I want to do in the future is because there are too many things I can see myself doing. There are so many areas in my field that I am interested in, and none of them would feel like settling. Also, as we have seen especially in recent years, careers are not guaranteed. How can someone plan their entire life around the idea that they are going to land one, specific job? The reality is, you might not get that job. I feel that the “don’t know, don’t care” attitude that I have towards the future is more along the lines of, “my heart is not set on anything in particular, I can see myself being happy in many different career paths.”
The future is just that. It’s the future. When are people going to realize that I can’t predict it? I suppose I can “choose” my path to some extent. I chose what to study in college and I can choose what jobs to apply for, but after that, as far as I see it, it’s up in the air. Maybe my interests will change. Maybe I’ll meet someone that will open up a new opportunity. Who knows? Not me, and I have said that many, many times.
The future is coming, I know that I can’t stop that, but I also know that I can’t control it. So, what do I want to do in the future? I don’t know, just enjoy it.
