For the past couple of months, it has occurred to me that when you're having a really horrible day, week or month, there is not always an answer to the question, “why?”

I was watching a video recently about this sort of topic and a girl said other humans must feel this too and you are not alone. One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone completely overlooks your feelings. “Just don’t think about it.” “It will all work out, just move on.” “There’s nothing you can do about it, so accept it.” And my all-time favorites, “It’s all in your head.” “You’re overreacting.” “You’re making something out of nothing.” And the list goes on. Ok, yes, maybe you are analyzing a certain situation or words someone said to you a little too much, but you have the right to convey those thoughts and feelings without someone constantly shutting you down for feeling that way. Your feelings are valid. And you should have someone there to acknowledge that and talk you through it, not belittle you. Or all you need is someone to just listen to you and validate that you’re not crazy, you’re just feeling. Eventually, the further removed from a situation you are, you will see more clearly, but for now, you just need to work through it. And that is ok.

One of my really good friends was crying to me one day saying that she didn’t know why, but she just felt alone and crappy all the time, even if she was surrounded by her friends and even if there was no seemingly concrete reason as to why she felt like this. I have felt this in times past, as well. Sometimes, you will have days, weeks, or months where your upset and putting every ounce of your energy into making it through the day. And there is no seemingly obvious reason for it. Maybe, when you look back on that time, you will see that you had a big transition and there was nothing familiar for you to cling to. Maybe, a lot of little things are happening, piling up and you feel like your drowning. Or maybe, you still won’t know what put you in that place. And that is ok.

Not many people enjoy talking about their feelings. People don’t like laying it all out on the table. If you are anything like me, it makes me cringe when people know what exactly is going on in my head. I do not like when people see me in a vulnerable place or if they know why I am in a vulnerable position. There are a select few amount of people in my life that I let in completely. When people ask me what is wrong if I seem off, I bear a smile and tell them I am fine. I am just fine. But we all know “fine” is a lie. It is ok to not be just fine. I am horrible with feelings. I can feel every emotion in the world but I am never able to convey it. Talking about what bothers me has never been easy for me. I shrink up and just push it away. Sometimes I feel like there are a million and one problems that I have to deal with; I deal with it by ignoring it. Especially if I cannot even explain it to myself, I tell myself that there is no way I can explain it to anyone else.

“I didn’t know” does not satisfy people. However, sometimes it should. Because that is ok. It is so completely normal to feel like you’re drowning and not have an objective reason. Those feelings that you are feeling - they are valid. Just because you don’t have concrete reasons to your crappy feelings, by no means invalidates them. And just because someone else seems to have way bigger, more serious problems than you, by no means belittles your problems. Because they are real and they are problems and you are dealing with them. It is difficult and you’re allowed to have them even if you think they are petty compared to other people’s problems. Everything is relative.

So when you are feeling this way, nothing can cure it on the spot. But there are things to help you get through it. Talk to someone. You don’t owe anyone an explanation, but find those select few people that you do trust unconditionally. It is never healthy to keep things bottled up and you can’t burden yourself with the weight of the world. Think of all the things that make you genuinely happy. The littlest things count. One thing that makes me really happy is driving. I love driving in my beat up old car from 2001. It has gone through quite a few accidents over the years and shakes when I drive too fast. But it has a name, a character and I feel so utterly content driving in that car. I blast my music, roll down my windows and drive through the streets I know by heart. Make a list of all these things. I started a “jar of good things” at the beginning of this year. Everything really good, fun, silly, ect. that happens, you write it down and put it in the jar. Even just a time that made you really happy, you put it in there. When you’re feeling horrible, read those things and remember the times that made you insanely happy. These feelings right now; trust me, they don’t last. Do everything that will benefit you, even little things – if you know they will give you happiness, do it. It may be fleeting, but it is worth it. Despite it sounding cliché, do what benefits you, not anyone else. Happiness will come in big or small things. Please know that your feelings, even if they are “I don’t know” are valid.

Do me a favor and when you’re lying in your bed trying to fall asleep, recite that list of little things that make you happy – that you’re grateful for; the list of things that you take for granted and the things you can’t imagine not in your life.

And when you feel like things are closing in on you, do me a favor and pray this prayer: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”