For most, going to University happens at 18 years old, after high school graduation. There is no parental supervision, no chores, minimal rules, and excitement with a bunch of uncertainty. It’s the opportunity for forced self-growth, practice “adulting”, experimentation, and mistakes. The challenges most freshman focus on beginning University is finding friends (college family), maintaining friendships back home, and enjoying independence. For those, like me, college after high school graduation took a different path.
Starting college fresh out of high school vs mid- twenties as a transfer
I turned down the opportunity to attend University for a relationship and I was not prepared for various reasons. I attended community college part time, getting caught up in the real world of jobs, bills, and responsibilities for the next six years. During those six years, I was in an up and down toxic relationship, suffered a brain tumor, and lost a parent, all of which required extreme recovery time. Before I knew it I was in the thick of a life I did not want! I made the decision to apply to universities and prepare for medical school. VCU held promising opportunities for me, I was living by myself in an area close to campus and it was the first time I was not living with my mom or my boyfriend. I was completely on my own and I thoroughly enjoyed the independence and the chance to blossom into my womanhood. I was moderately accustomed to maintaining a household, which made the transition extremely simple. My only looming concern was if I had waited too late? I worried about budgeting on my single income and having no fall back system. I worried about having enough hours at work and how I would incorporate study time and self-care time. At this point, I was unaware my transfer experience as a 24-year-old was different from transfer students in their early twenties and vastly different from a new high school graduate. I am not saying that everyone’s experience the same, but there is a noticeable difference in priorities, mentality, thought process, and socializing. That being said, I can only judge my experiences and encounters.
Wants, Needs, Priorities, Responsibilities
My first semester was an eye opener, comparing my realities versus the realities of most of my peers. I spent my days going to class and my evenings and nights working. On the weekends I consumed myself with homework, work, and preparations for the week. I did not go out to clubs, but occasionally I would walk to the bar on the next block and have a drink with my cousin or a friend if they came to visit. My free time was minimal and my friend group was small, I spent most of my time on campus alone. Being the most introverted extrovert you could meet, I decided to start chatting with people in my classes or get involved in campus activities. I was beginning to make friends, but I was consistently active with three women, who became valuable relationships as time went on. However, they were still 21 to 22 years of age and at this point, I was 25. Does not sound like a big difference, but I was a 25-year-old who had been on my own and experienced life since 18. There were times when I was asked to go out and my reasons for declining were work hours, money, and choosing to study over movies, dinners, clubs, et cetera. My friend group and individuals in my course groups worried about rumors, the next fun activity over the weekend, looking “stupid” in front of a class and even popularity. I was worried about how I was going to afford gas to get to work and paying my electricity bill on time to avoid a late fee. I was doing life on my own and my “adulting” skills were meeting expert level. My interests were different as well; I was always plotting my next move, worried about just getting assignments done and not so much on achieving an A. I was managing my schedule and still adjusting to my new life, as a B, C and tragically sometimes D student.
Where do I fit in !?!?
Conversing with peers at VCU consistently concluded with one question, “ how old are you?’’ usually followed by the comment, “ you seem older." In the beginning, I never mentioned my real age, I would have people guess and just agree with whatever number they said. This was mainly due to past reactions when I answered honestly. I was annoyed when my peers would respond, “oh my god, why are you still in undergrad!?” or “no wonder you seem mature, you’re old.” I found myself becoming judgmental and resentful towards my peers. I would react with responses like, “well some of us do not have mommy and daddy support,” or “we can’t all be lucky enough to have our lives perfectly planned, some people have struggled.” This did not go over well sometimes, needless to say. It wasn’t until my third year of attendance when there was a major change; I was in a group with two other older students. One was 32 and the other was 40ish, my classmates for this particular course, consisted of two mothers in their mid- twenties and one additional older student my age (27 at the time). I began to have comforting conversations with them knowing I was not alone. They related to my experiences and comments from our peers, understanding the initial embarrassment encountering such comments. I began to have a new perspective on the student body as a whole at VCU. I was not fitting in among certain groups because we simply had different experiences, but it did not have to hinder social life on campus. I put this philosophy and new empowerment into practice when it came time to find a roommate. My first roommate was just as mature as I, but two years younger and was graduating then getting married. My second roommate was not as evolved in her adulthood but grew during our time together. Living with my second roommate provided supporting evidence to the above observations. Differences could be seen in conversation topics, mannerisms, and thought processes, differences also noticed by my professors and advisers. My professors often took notice of my presence because I made myself known, something I learned younger students tend to avoid. Often times I have been called the dreaded “teachers’ pet!” In my defense, the relationship between professors and I were due to my ethics as a student. Ethics I observed and was taught during high school…Always make sure your professors know who you are!
Disadvantage or Advantage?
I used to think I was at a disadvantage because of my age and status in life. I watched the lives of my friends unfold, sometimes becoming discouraged and down on myself for not having accomplished my goals earlier in my twenties. My self-love and growth journey molded my perspective into one of advantage and opportunity. Individuals in their twenties will be several different people before they evolve into their real “self.” Starting University in my mid-twenties, settling into my womanhood, while evolving into the adult I wanted to be proved to have advantages. I have no doubt about my career and my confidence in my chosen field of study is perfect. My degree programs are conducive to my future goals and aspirations. I have real world experiences that continue to foster my growth and habits as a student. I understand life lessons my professors teach and require we practice as students, often times chiming in on my personal experiences. I no longer hide my age. I wear it as a badge of honor to inspire others to keep going no matter what in order to reach their goals. Sharing my experiences with my younger peers, in regards to relationships, priorities, and growth is rewarding for me. Everyday life still inspires me to never stop learning and growing. We all must follow our own path. I stress the importance of not comparing the circumstances of others to your own, we are all at different stages. Twenty and thirty somethings often forget to not rush what is meant for you, a concept I sometimes struggle to accept. The most valuable advice to remember is to continue towards your goals, learning along the way. Today, I am extremely excited and proud to say I will be 29 when I graduate with two bachelor degrees and a minor in December 2017.
Keep going! You got this!
