I was talking to an old friend just today and we were talking about our New Year's goals/resolutions/whatever you want to call them, and she said, "My New Year's resolution is to lose weight! At least 10 kg. I literally gained so much over this past semester, my mom called me a snowman." We both laughed at that image and continued to talk about how she would go on to achieve this said goal.

We spent the whole day catching up and talking about simple nothings like our shitty, loveless, love lives and then she asked me, "What are your resolutions? We only talked about mine, which was to lose weight, clearly." I told her I didn't know, like each year in December. Whenever someone asked me about mine, I would never know what to say because I never set any goals and I never knew why I wouldn't. Until now. I realized that I never set any because one: I don't know how to set realistic goals and two: I'm never consistent and therefore never self accountable for my own goals.

I don't believe in these New Year's resolutions not because I don't know how to set goals or know how to follow them; that's just poor planning and that's definitely something I can work on. But, I never liked being all hopeful like the rest of humanity when setting these goals when a full 365 days later, most of these goals aren't even achieved. I never liked it because, like most people, I get lazy, demotivated and forgetful about all these goals I've set. But I believe it's bigger than me, I believe there is still some sort of luck ingrained in the process of achieving some sort of success (not just these resolutions) and sometimes your best is still not enough, which is where this luck comes into play.

Yeah, it's stupid to not believe in these resolutions because of a petty and ambiguous thing: luck in the universe alongside handwork. But I will say, I am tired of being beaten around by my own dark thoughts and demons telling me I'll never achieve anything I deem to be success or anything goal-worthy. I am tired of being hopeful for all these great things that could happen to me and later, after all the handwork, nothing or barely anything paid off. Sadly, I feel like this has happened to me too many times for me to get myself off the ground and get to work.

But, I truly don't believe in these resolutions because I really doubt these grand promises and limits that you set yourself and could ever tell you how to become a better person. Especially when so many different and unexpected curveballs and events could occur that could either make or break your progress to not only your goals, but also to becoming a better person overall. I guess I am just a skeptic.