Why you shouldn't fight for the people you want

At one point of another, everyone has been on the receiving end of a break-up they didn't want to happen. It doesn't happen only in romantic relationships. Friendships fade, family bonds become strained, even professional connections fizzle out.

Losing a relationship you wanted to work out is extremely painful to experience, whether it ends in a no-holds barred shouting match or a long string of text messages with no reply. When it happens, you feel crushed, demoralized, confused, and heartbroken.

Above all, you feel powerless. You think, "if only I'd done something differently. If only I could get them to see things my way." We play back all our interactions with our special person in our minds, trying to pin down where we went wrong.

Maybe we should have been more attentive to them. Maybe less. Maybe we talked to them too much, or not enough. Maybe they felt smothered. Maybe we held back and froze them out.

The questions are endless. And some of them are probably valid. There's always work to be done in a relationship. In fact, in the best relationships, the work never stops. You can always grow and change with your friend, partner, mentor. You can always learn how to better support and connect with another person.

But there's one key factor to the success of every relationship: the other person has to want to be in it with you.

If someone walks away from you, and clearly decides to end their relationship with you, that's the truest sign that your relationship can't work out. No matter what you do- what behaviors you change, what compromises you're willing to make. Without that desire to build a bond with you, a healthy relationship with another person is hopeless.

Yes, sometimes people change their minds and want to come back to you after initially pushing you away. In that case, it's up to you to decide whether to take them back, after they've demonstrated a clear effort and ability to change.

But even if this is the outcome you hope for: don't beg them to come back. Let them return to you after sorting through their own issues, and reaching the conclusion that they want you in their lives without any outside influence. You deserve to be chosen, not to try to force others to chose you.