I always wonder what my dog would say to me if he could speak. My family and I have a special voice for a puppy that we use whenever we try to imagine what he is saying. I am still waiting for the talking collar from Up, I mean, it is 2016 people, what are we waiting for?
If dogs could talk, the world would be a totally different place. Imagine hearing your dog say how happy he is that you are home rather than watching him wag his tail (or in my dogs case, his whole butt). There is this whole unspoken language between dogs that I am dying to understand.
If dogs could talk I picture it would be something like this:
*Hears the word walk.*
Action: *wags tail like crazy and stairs at you with puppy eyes until you get the leash*
Translation: "Yes, yes, yes! I'd really like to go for a walk. Are you going to take me for a walk? I will love you forever if you take me for a walk, Oh please, please, please can we go?"
*Heavy sigh.*
Dog: *sighs real heavy*
Translation: "Today was such a rough day. Eating and sleeping really took everything out of me, and I didn't even catch my tail! It runs away every time; bad day at the office."
*Sticks head out the window.*
Translation: "Humans this is great! Why do you guys never do this? Johnny look how my ears flaps in the wind! You've got to try it."
*Sees a squirrel.*
Action: Barks like a nut out the window for 45 seconds straight
Translation: "Squirrel! I swear there's a squirrel, just look. Look at the squirrel! I wonder if he wants to play with me. Do you guys think he will play with me?"
*Hears the word treat/cookie.*
Action: Cocks head, then starts dancing like it's 80s disco night.
Translation: "Oh yes, I would love a treat! Ohh I smell a cookie! Those are my favorite kind! Please give me a cookie. I would get it myself, but I don't have thumbs!"
*Eats a shoe or other non-chew toy item.*
Action: *Bows down in shame because they know they are about to get in major trouble for what they did, and they are trying to make you feel guilty and melt you with their adorable eyes*
Translation: "I'm so sorry. I know I am not supposed to eat the shoes, but you were gone for so long and it looked so nice. Please don't be mad at me. I love you, and I didn't mean it. I am so sorry, I promise it won't happen again."
If dogs could talk, so many of my life's questions would be answered. I honestly think that sometimes my dog just barks at me to drive me crazy. He doesn't want to go outside, and he just ate, so what could he possibly be barking at?
Life with a dog is one of the most frustrating and rewarding things in life. The world could not pay me enough to walk past a dog on the street and not try to pet it. How can you resist a little puppy pulling on his leash to meet you? At least I am going to keep telling myself all those dogs want to meet me, I guess I'll never really know.
If your dog could talk, what would it say about you?
