I've loved Dodie for years. She's an incredibly talented singer with songs about mental illness, love, and sexuality that I deeply relate to and have spent plenty of hours crying and dancing to (though mostly crying) over the past four or five years that I've known of her.

When I found out that she was coming to America for a tour a few months ago, I couldn't call my friend Grace fast enough. The closest shows were in Cambridge, Massachusetts, and she lives in Boston. On top of that, she loves Dodie just as much as I do, if not more. I knew it was worth a shot to ask her if she wanted to go.

It's safe to say that I didn't expect her to buy the tickets as my birthday gift.

The show was on Friday, September 7, at The Sinclair in Cambridge. I stood on the mezzanine, clutching my new Dodie tote bag, Grace beside me, for the whole show.

I wish I could say that I was fine. While I was clutching my new piece of merch, I was also clutching the railing in front of me like my life depended on it. My anxiety was hissing in my brain, What if you drop your phone over the edge? What if the railing breaks and you fall? over and over again. My phone stayed securely in my pocket except for the one song when we were asked to shine our flashlights, and then it went right back in my pocket. I only leaned as far over the railing as I did because I wanted to see the show instead of the back of the girl beside me.

Watching Dodie, a woman I know struggles with anxiety, depression, and depersonalization, it all clicked in my head.

You don't need to be mentally well to be able to enjoy something. You can have things that you struggle with and still have an amazing time.

So I leaned on the railing, laughing, crying, and singing at the very top of my lungs for the hour long set. I danced and I screamed. I felt alive and there for the whole show, even if that railing did terrify me and I kept looking over at the emergency exit to make sure it was still there every once in a while.

I was a bit anxious, sure, but I didn't let that take this concert away from me.

Every time I've spoken about the concert before writing this article, I haven't even mentioned the anxiety, because it doesn't even matter. What matters is that I had an amazing time at an amazing show with an amazing friend that I love so much it hurts in an amazing city that I love. What matters is that I was there at that concert that I wanted so badly to be at.

Grace, so much for taking me on such a wildly spectacular adventure, for singing along with me, and always making sure that I'm okay. I'm okay. Even when I'm not, I will be soon enough.