All right, kids–I have a confession: I have never seen The Lion King. Yeah, I know, go ahead and gasp, freak out, tell me I didn’t have a real childhood. Everyone does. (This is the point where I generally point out that I did see the musical version when I was little, and then you tell me that that’s really cool, but it still doesn’t count. It’s fine.)
I was a 90's kid who grew up without this classic Disney movie. I’d also never seen Mulan or Bambi or Aladdin. My childhood was truly tragic. (Thanks, Mom and Dad. You deprived me of some apparently quality films.)
However, after about the thousandth time that someone got overly angry at me for my childhood tragedy that was in no way my own fault, I decided to make it right. Earlier this week, I decided to watch The Lion King for the first time and record my response. Below is a documentation of my thoughts throughout the film.
- Ah yes, the famous song with words I do not understand.
- That monkey thing is really good at climbing.
- OMG he’s so cute and little!
- Even I, having never seen this movie, recognize the scene where the monkey dude holds baby Simba up in the air.
- But, like, what if he accidentally dropped him off that cliff?
- Also, look how steep that cliff is! How did the monkey dude climb it??
- This monkey thing is better at painting than me, WTF.
- He just let his son beat up his right-hand bird for fun...
- “You’re so weird.” “You have no idea.” Same.
- Scar is giving me hella Snape vibes.
- “I can’t marry her! She’s my friend!” Heterosexuals are so weird.
- All these giraffes are just casually allowing Simba to dance on their backs; yeah, okay.
- Low key loving these lion puns.
- Well, that was emotional.
- Oh hey, I was wondering when Timon and Pumbaa would come in.
- “Hakuna Matata…what a wonderful phrase.” Real talk: I quoted this along with the movie despite having never seen it. Thanks society, for programming my brain to quote The Lion King.
- Can I just say that I’m really appreciating these puns? Quality.
- THE THING THE MONKEY DUDE IS DOING IS FROM THAT VINE WHERE THE GUY FALLS OUT OF THE TREE HOLY SH*T!
- Simba basically just sacrificed his friends who raised him WTF (like obviously they were okay but HOW DID HE KNOW THEY WOULD BE??).
- Simba’s mom thought he was Mufasa, yup she definitely just had a few sexual thoughts about her son, awk.
- Is Pumbaa using fart power to fight hyenas? Incredible.
- OH MY GOD THEY HAD A KID THE CIRCLE OF LIFE.
I also noted that I felt weirdly obligated to feel nostalgia while watching this movie. It's true that I'd never seen it before but it should have been part of my childhood, and therefore I almost felt like I was reliving something that I’d never actually experienced. My generation as a whole feels nostalgia towards The Lion King and perhaps because of this, I felt like I should too. Faux deja vu, forced nostalgia. Is there a word for this?
Also this movie is literally Hamlet.
