My Divorced Parents Hate Each Other But Say They Love All Of Me

My Parents Hate Each Other But They Say They Love All Of Me

I'd like to think they didn't hate half of who I am.

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A child is born with DNA inherited from their father and mother, a mix of both of their parents. So, what happens when your parents divorce and end up hating one another? Do they hate half of who you are?

I am a child of divorce. It was messy and a very hard few years for me to see my parents separate. To have a family, and then suddenly not. What made it harder was to see how much my parents ended up hating each other. To this day, over a decade later they struggle to even be in the same room as one another if something comes up where they have to be.

The complaints about the other make my head and heart hurt.

There's always this nagging feeling in the back of my mind. I'm a mixture of my parents. I have qualities and DNA of both of them. Do they hate half of who I am? When they see parts of me that belong to the other do they get annoyed? They claim to love me and who I am, but how do I know that's actually true?

I'm always jealous when I see other kids whose parents are divorced but still either get along or know who to just live with the other. When one says to have fun when they drop them off somewhere else or talk to each other. Mine say nothing to each other. It's as if they want to pretend the other no longer exists.

I don't want to have to choose between the two. If there is an event we all attend I don't want to have to say who I'd prefer to sit with. Nor do I want to hear them talk about how the other is there is what they're doing that the other one doesn't like. I'd like to pretend that for just a little while, I could sit with my family and be happy.

All I want is for them to get along enough to make their children happy.

They're divorced now and remarried. There is barely any time they have to even see each other. Can't they find peace in that? Sit in the same area together and be fine knowing that they are happy with their lives now?

I've learned to generally live and accept how things are. I try my best to ignore it. That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt though. Especially when one says that I do something like the other. It brings back that fear that they don't like that part of me. I feel like I have to hide part of who I am when I'm with them in hopes that they don't have to think anything bad about me.

I really want to believe that they don't hate half of me.

I'm sorry Mom and Dad. I don't wish to make either of you feel bad. I don't think either of you are bad parents or bad in any way for that matter. I love both of you and everything that makes you, well, you. Even parts that may annoy me, it's still who you are. I just hope that you love me for all of who I am, even the parents you secretly may not like.

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To The Dad Who Didn't Want Me, It's Mutual Now

Thank you for leaving me because I am happy.
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Thank you, for leaving me.

Thank you, for leaving me when I was little.

Thank you, for not putting me through the pain of watching you leave.

Thank you, for leaving me with the best mother a daughter could ask for.

I no longer resent you. I no longer feel anger towards you. I wondered for so long who I was. I thought that because I didn't know half of my blood that I was somehow missing something. I thought that who you were defined me. I was wrong. I am my own person. I am strong and capable and you have nothing to do with that. So thank you for leaving me.

In my most vulnerable of times, I struggled with the fact that you didn't want me. You could have watched me grow into the person that I have become, but you didn't. You had a choice to be in my life. I thought that the fact that my own father didn't want me spoke to my own worth. I was wrong. I am so worthy. I am deserving, and you have nothing to do with that. So thank you for leaving me.

You have missed so much. From my first dance to my first day of college, and you'll continue to miss everything. You won't see me graduate, you won't walk me down the aisle, and you won't get to see me follow my dreams. You'll never get that back, but I don't care anymore. What I have been through, and the struggles that I have faced have brought me to where I am today, and I can't complain. I go to a beautiful school, I have the best of friends, I have an amazing family, and that's all I really need.

Whoever you are, I hope you read this. I hope you understand that you have missed out on one of the best opportunities in your life. I could've been your daughter. I could have been your little girl. Now I am neither, nor will I ever be.

So thank you for leaving me because I am happy. I understand my self-worth, and I understand that you don't define me. You have made me stronger. You have helped make me who I am without even knowing it.

So, thank you for leaving me.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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Blocking Toxic Family Members Can Be Just What You Needed

It isn't an easy choice but it can be the most rewarding.

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I haven't written for the Odyssey in quite some time due to this large issue in my life that I feel some people may also need to hear. Watching your parents go through a divorce can be difficult in itself, but what about having to remove one of your parents from your life at the same time? It's something I don't think many people could imagine doing. However, sometimes you are forced into the position between choosing what is best for your mental health or what is expected of you. For me, I realized that I needed to put myself first.

I realized that I am my own person. How I present myself and how I act and what I choose to believe in is how the world perceives me. I was faced with a parent who did not let me be who I am. The way I thought had to be in line with theirs. What I openly spoke about had to be in line with that parent's thoughts. This also, in turn, meant I had to revolve how I was perceived to the world around that parent's family. I had to abide by these societal norms and do what someone else expected of me. I realized that was ludicrous.

This parent was also abusive. They were toxic and manipulative and I could not stand idly by and just take that from them while also trying to become an independent young adult. I was forced to sit and watch one of my parents transform into someone I didn't recognize anymore. I had to watch them ignore any kind of reality checks and continue to feign innocence. I watched one of my parents mentally manipulate people I once called family into believing lies. I kept my head down and shut my mouth and kept taking the abuse. Now I'm at a point where I can confidently say that I am no longer afraid.

I was forced to cut ties with a parent that raised me, cared for me, attended school functions, fixed toys, bought me my first phone. I was forced to chuck out priceless memories for my own sanity. I could not sit idly by and allow myself to endure one more second of lies or abuse. I had to stand up for myself for once in my life and I blocked most of my family. I blocked cousins, aunts, uncles, and godparents. I changed my phone number that I had since 6th grade. I gave no warning and disappeared from my family's lives. Do I have regrets? No. I would do it again if I had to because I am so much stronger than sitting there and taking it.

I will have one less parent at my college graduation, which I am fighting so hard to achieve. I will have one less parent at my wedding. My future children will have one less grandparent. I mope in these thoughts but then I have to remember the other side of things. I will not have an unsupportive parent at my graduation and instead will have those that were there every step of the way. I will lack someone who was toxic at my wedding. My future children will never have to face the same abusive, toxic situations that my parent put me through. It was a difficult decision to make but one that I know in my heart is worthwhile.

Cutting a family member out of your life is difficult enough but cutting a parent is unimaginable. However, no one deserves to go through abusive situations. It shouldn't matter who the person is; if someone is treating you less than you deserve to be treated, they have no use being in your life. You should always be your first priority. You should never have to endure something for the sake of others. I am here to tell you that you are more than that and that cutting out a family member could actually be the best thing for you, even if it's incredibly difficult. I did it and I'm still here. It made me realize who my real family was, and there will never be enough thank you's in the world to show my mother just how much I appreciate her.

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