No one goes into a marriage thinking they will get a divorce. It's no one's first option. It's not something anyone likes to think about. Most people even go as far as to say it's not an option. Kids that grew up being shuttled from house to house and parent to parent most often say this.
These kids have seen first hand how painful divorce can be. How it can affect the entire family. How it can make every little thing harder and more complicated. They've seen it and want no part of it. They warn their significant others that that will never happen to them. If they are going to get married, divorce is off the table. It's not an option, no matter what.
And I get it. Trust me I get it. My parents were divorced when I was three. I never knew "together." They were both remarried and divorced again actually. I've seen divorce.
But here's the thing, it didn't make me say that divorce wasn't an option.
No, when I get married I will not go into thinking that divorce is likely or that I would divorce my husband because he left the toilet seat up or because I'm sick of arguing about who buys what.
Divorce should never be something that is chosen lightly. It is a huge, life-altering decision. It is not something that needs to be done randomly or because you're sick of your spouse. Especially if you have kids. It's a big decision and needs to be done as a last resort option.
You need to think long and hard before you choose to end your marriage. You need to talk to your spouse. You need to try counseling or read marriage books or talk to friends. You need to do everything you can to fix your marriage because you did take a vow to spend the rest of your life with that person and at one point that's exactly what you wanted.
You do need to try.
But if you've tried everything, if you have done all that you can, you should not stay in an unhappy marriage. That is one thing I've learned watching divorces. Because everyone deserves to be happy.
My parents loved each other at one time and they loved me and my sister. Some people shame parents that get divorced. They say don't you love your kids enough to stay and make it work. That is insane. If you love your kids and you are no longer in love with your spouse and you're incredibly unhappy a divorce is not wrong. It's not hurting your kids. It's helping them.
Your kids deserve to see their parents happy. They deserve to have a happy marriage modeled to them not an unhappy one filled with resentment, anger, or sadness. So if you love your kids that's not a reason to stay no matter what.
A marriage is hard work. It's hard and you have to work at it every single day. But it's also a gift, You're getting to do life with your best friend. When it stops feeling like a blessing, you need to reevvaluate and try and fix it. Make it what it's supposed to be and if you can't then divorce is most definitely an option because you deserve to be happy.
