As a college student whose parents divorced when I was in elementary school, my experience is unique, and I'm writing to remind you that so is yours. Nothing that I can say will ever truly encapsulate your situation.
Nonetheless, I can imagine how you felt.
At first, everything felt wrong. Whether you were prepared for the divorce or not, it still came as a surprise to you. It left you with so many lingering questions. You were so young, and felt a slew of emotions, but you could barely the words to articulate your questions.
You love both of your parents, even if they wronged each other and/or yourself directly, but you felt betrayed.
"We both love you," they'd say. "I am sorry, just know this isn't your fault," and the most cliched, "Trust me, this is what's best for all of us."
The more you heard these utterances, the less impact they had. You asked yourself what you could've done differently, replayed arguments in your mind to find the root of the problem, and started to wonder how this was going to affect your daily life.
As a child, your routine was important, but hearing the word "divorce", promised massive changes in living situations and made you wonder why a courtroom got to decide where is best for you to be.
You started to talk to your friends. They were also children. To them, you were lucky to celebrate two rounds of Christmas gifts.
The time leading up to the divorce overtook you. Both of your parents didn't live with you anymore. You didn't watch cartoons with your dad on Sunday mornings while your mom cooked breakfast. You lived in one place and lived out of a suitcase at the other. It was tiring.
Divorce put your mind in a frenzy, but you made more sense of it as time went on. You started realizing your parents are not superhuman, they were real people, too. It was your first time witnessing someone make a life-altering decision, and seeing someone hold back tears for your sake made you think. You started to hear more details because the reality couldn't stay hidden forever. Things got loud, but sometimes, things got silent, and that had a tendency to be even more scary looking back.
You were angry, but eventually found healthy ways to channel your feelings: You talked it out with someone you trusted, or you got the mental help you needed. You viewed marriage differently, but an aspect of your values were solidified in that process.
You still struggle sometimes, but resentment doesn't fester in your mind anymore. You recognize how strong you are from growing up so fast, you know more about what you want in a partner, and you've established peace with it. Be proud of yourself. Divorce took a lot from you, but it cannot not take away the strength you gained from dealing with it.
