For many Spotify users like myself, Monday is the most exciting day of the week – not just because I despise Garfield and seize every opportunity to distance myself from that orange bastard, but because Monday is Discover Weekly Day! For any Tidal users reading this who might be confused, Discover Weekly is a personalized playlist made by the good folks over at Spotify that’s updated every week. It’s a great way to find new music, and I’ve discovered countless jams through this service.

But recently, my Discover Weekly playlist has taken a weird turn.

It all started last month, on a Monday morning like any other. I eagerly opened Spotify to see what new tunes the service had in store for me, only to discover that my playlist consisted entirely of Buckcherry deep cuts. At first I was annoyed – what about my usual rotation of whiny indie bands and Carly Rae Jepsen made them think I would enjoy these purveyors of sexist hard rock? But I tried to keep an open mind. Maybe Spotify was just trying to give me a deeper appreciation of an overlooked American institution. Maybe there was a profound poetry to the music of the guys who wrote “Crazy B*tch.”

But subsequent Discover Weeklies convinced me that Spotify had sinister ulterior motives. One week, my playlist featured nothing but Timbaland’s “Kill Yourself” 100 times, which was more offensive as a display of Timbaland’s lyrical prowess than as a personal insult. The following week, it was a playlist of iconic diss tracks, from “Ether” to “You Oughta Know,” with a mysterious voice saying “Julian Axelrod” dubbed over each song’s original target. Spotify was obviously trying to drive me off its service using specific, targeted personal attacks.

Things only got worse as time went on. Eventually, my playlists started to violate even the basic rules of Spotify’s model. One memorable Discover Weekly included recordings of my friends and family telling me all the ways I was a failure and a disappointment, while another featured an audio compilation of all my most embarrassing interactions with past crushes. Even worse was the playlist with clips of me mispronouncing “Kierkegaard” in casual conversation. Where are they getting these clips? Who is giving them access to my life? Why are they targeting me specifically?

I didn’t know the answers to these questions until my Discover Weekly was updated last week. There was only one track: “A Warning,” by Spotify CEO Daniel Ek. When I clicked play, I heard a Swedish man clear his throat and mutter, “Mr. Axelrod, we do not want you on this website. Your friends and family do not want you on this website. You have been listening to too much Carly Rae Jepsen, and it has crashed our servers. Your repeated streams have forced us to pay a fortune in royalties. Last week, we had to pay Ms. Jepsen $4.75. In case you haven’t gotten the message yet, we do not want you on Spotify.”

I deleted my account and signed up for Apple Music that day. It’s all right, but sometimes I still dream about what could have been.