I lost my faith in religion when I was 8. Up until then, I went to church every Wednesday and Sunday. Two of my family's new puppies all of a sudden got very sick. My brother's puppy died first. I prayed and prayed for God to make mine better. She looked like she was getting better and I was optimistic that she'd survive. I went to church on Wednesday and when I got back, she had passed. I was so angry and confused. Why would God do this to me? Why would he let me pray so much and still fail me?
I turned my back on God that day and never looked back.
I went through a lot of mental health issues when I turned 15. I was depressed all the time. It was affecting every part of my life. I was missing school, sleeping all the time, and starving myself.
I eventually got help and continued living the way I was, but I always envied those who were touched by God. I'd hear people talk about God speaking to them and I wished that could happen to me. I just didn't know how to let it happen.
Right after I turned eighteen, I was applying for college and I was incredibly stressed out. I had two colleges deny me. I remember being in the shower, crying and begging God to help me. I wanted the college I had just applied to accept me so badly. I opened my heart to God and asked for him to do what he could for me, even though I had neglected him for so long.
I was accepted into the college. That was really the start of my journey into getting back into Christianity. I've found myself thinking about how good God is and how much he's helped me. I never thought I'd be like this with religion. Now, whenever I find myself in a stressful situation I turn to him.
I don't go to church and I don't push religion on others. There's a lot of things I still disagree with when it comes to religion as a whole, but I fully believe in the power of God. I think that if you're really open to him and allow him to come into your heart, that it will happen. You don't have to grow up in the church to find God. He is all around you. A building full of people doesn't make you religious. Believing and having faith does.
