Being a leader is great, right? You get all of this power and people always look up to you.
But being a leader can also be Hell on Earth for the exact. same. reasons.
I'm a people pleaser. I always have been, and probably always will be. If someone gets upset with something I do or say, the guilt heaves itself right along with me like a ball and chain tied to my ankles. I'll lay awake in my bed replaying the scenario over and over again, and if I'm really lucky, I'll have nightmares about it. (I wish I was kidding.)
A ton of leaders is like this, though. Confrontation is a skill that really needs to be practiced and polished. And no, that doesn't mean turning into an ogre every time you need to address an issue with a friend. The solution? Turn your bad news for the individual into good news for the group.
Allow me to explain.
As president of my a cappella group, I must break the news to members that have exceeded their absence limit that they are unable to audition for solos for the rest of the semester. And let me tell you, it's pretty awkward, but I can assure you there is a way to make it less awkward.
Let them know they're doing the rest of the group a favor: them not auditioning for solos means that people that do regularly show up for rehearsals and events have a better chance of getting them. If there's no soloist, there's no song. And if there aren't songs to sing at events and concerts, then there wouldn't be an a cappella group at all. Sometimes, leaders can get so stuck on the thought of disappointing that one person, that they don't realize that the ultimate reason why this individual is being addressed is to help the greater good.
You can think of this concept on the other end as well!
Recently, I was rejected from a job that I applied for. For the first minute, I took it personally, thinking, "What could I have done better?" "What about me did they not like?". Really, the chances of the reason for not being hired probably isn't that personal. It's for the greater good of the team at the store. I'm sure the manager cringed pressing the "send" button of that email, but ultimately felt she was doing everyone a favor. I was disappointed at the moment, but the more I thought about it, she did the right thing by not hiring me. Perhaps I would not have meshed with the team that well. Maybe she knew I wouldn't get the hours I desired, therefore not being able to work as much as I would have wanted. By not hiring me, both I and the store employees benefit, even though, for me, it may not look like that on the surface.
It's easy to take confrontation and disappointment personally, but nine times out of ten, it's to benefit the greater good. This idea is important to think of on both ends: the confronter and the confronted.
