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A Different Kind Of Wonderland

How grief changes Christmas

jessica price

Dec 05, 2016

Influencers of Indiana

Silver Tree Home Care

I am trapped.

In a winter wonderland.

Wondering why I couldn't save her.

Wondering why I'm here alone.

Wondering how I'm going to make it through another Christmas.

My winter wonderland does not consist of sparkling snow and fresh pines shedding from a Christmas tree.

It's a time of despair.

Sorrow.

Mourning.

Memories.

Wonder.

Wondering what it would be like to have her here again.

Wondering why she had to leave.

Wondering what a holiday means without her.

My winter wonderland is not a joy filled place.

It is not admiring the beauty of the lights as they sit on frost covered rooftops.

It is

"What if's"

"What could've been's"

"What happened's"

"What's next's"

Wonder.

Wondering why it was her.

Wondering why not me.

Wondering how it all ended like this.

My winter wonderland is not a place full of carols and family laughter.

It is not a snow globe that brings beauty when it is shaken.

It is

Tears.

Nostalgia.

Desperation.

Heartache.

Wonder.

Wondering what she's doing.

Wondering if she can see us.

Wondering if she is with us.

I pray to God,

She is.

My wonderland is not gifts wrapped neatly with bows on the top.

It is not time for story telling,

That would only be too painful.

It is

One less gift

One less plate

One less voice

One less soul.

Wonder...

Wonder.

Wondering if this is what she'd want for us.

Wondering how sad she would be to see us like this.

Wondering how to help her live on.

My wonderland isn't like it used to be.

My wonderland shouldn't be like it used to be.

Now,

It is

Longer hugs

More "I love yous"

Greater love.

And a room filled with people who carry her legacy.

A room filled with people who will live on.

A room filled with people who know now

That she will too.

This is my new wonderland.

No longer trapped in the old one.

This wonderland holds something I never thought I'd have again:

Hope.

A hopeful wonder.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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A Different Kind Of Wonderland

How grief changes Christmas

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The Best Lines from the Fab Four

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make

The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you

Love is old, love is new, love is all, love is you

There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be

Life is very short, and there's no time for fussing and fighting, my friend

He say, "I know you, you know me", One thing I can tell you is you got to be free

Oh please, say to me, You'll let me be your man. And please say to me, You'll let me hold your hand

It was twenty years ago today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play. They've been going in and out of style, but they're guaranteed to raise a smile

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see

Can you hear me? When it rains and shine, it's just a state of mind

Little darling, it's been long cold lonely winter. Little darling, it feels like years since it' s been here. Here comes the sun, Here comes the sun, and I say it's alright

We danced through the night and we held each other tight, and before too long I fell in love with her. Now, I'll never dance with another when I saw her standing there

I love you, I love you, I love you, that's all I want to say

You say you want a revolution. Well you know, we all want to change the world

All the lonely people, where do they all come from. All the lonely people, where do they all belong

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends

Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday

And when the brokenhearted people, living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be.

And anytime you feel the pain, Hey Jude, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders

I'll give you all I got to give if you say you'll love me too. I may not have a lot to give but what I got I'll give to you. I don't care too much for money. Money can't buy me love

All you need is love, love is all you need

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Blackbird singing in the dead of night, Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Though I know I'll never lose affection, for people and things that went before. I know I'll often stop and think about them. In my life, I love you more

Obviously the best superpower.

There have been many lessons learned.

1. The importance of traditions.

2. How to be thankful for family and friends.

3. How to give back.

4. What the word "community" really means.

5. That it isn't about the destination, but the journey.

6. The consequences of making bad choices.

7. To trust people, until you have a reason not to.

8. To be welcoming and accepting of everyone.

9. How to be my own, individual person.

10. How to work for what I want.

11. How to be great at giving directions.

12. How to be humble.

13. To be well-rounded.

14. How to be great at conflict resolution.

15. The beauty of getting outside and exploring.

16. To be prepared for anything.

17. That you don't always have to do it alone.

18. How to be creative.

19. To brush off gossip.

I have never been so thankful to know you.

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

Don't freak out

Email the professor

Attend the first class

Keep attending class

Have a backup plan

Remember that everything works out at the end

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