I Didn't Want To Call It Rape

I Didn't Want To Call It Rape

Sometimes things aren't black and white.
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I hopped in my car to drive to the mixer. I lived far enough away from the frat to justify not pre-gaming just to be able to drive, especially since I was wearing heels. I walked into the frat, and a standard party occurred. Games of pong were played, many filled with wine instead of beer. Popular songs were played and everyone danced the night away.

As I left several hours later, I realized that I made a mistake. The heels that seemed reasonable enough earlier in the evening were now hurting enough to make me limp. After walking fifty feet, I tried taking off the shoes, only to cut my feet on the gravel. I saw a nearby fraternity’s flashing lights and bumping music, and remembered my friend Derek*, who often sober monitored there.

I called him, and he said that I could chill in his room with some of my friends until the end of the party, where he would drive us home. My girlfriends and I went up together, and we shared a couple of bottles of wine while waiting for the party to end and Derek's sobering shift to end.

Again, I had made a mistake. I lost count of how many cups I drank, and I was soon falling asleep in Derek’s bed. During this time, Derek came upstairs and told us he could drive us back now. I insisted on staying, saying I wanted to sleep there, repeating that it was fine. I fell asleep, and the next thing I remember is Derek in bed with me, his arms around me and his lips on my neck.

I had made a mistake.

The next morning, I woke up. Utterly confused and lost as to how one of my friends could have sex with me when I was so drunk. I didn’t understand how this could have happened. I did everything right that night. I didn’t drive. I didn’t try to walk home by myself. I stayed with a friend-- someone I had trusted.

For awhile, I didn’t know what to call it. Drunken sex? He took advantage of me? Sexual assault? Rape…? But how could it have been rape if there were no bruises? He didn’t threaten me, hold a knife to my throat? I didn’t black out, I remembered the event. He wasn’t a stranger, he was a friend.

I remember thinking that I wouldn’t have let this happen if I was sober. I remember trying to say no, barely even able to move my arms to push him off. I never said yes, and I couldn’t say no.

Only after many weeks of laughing it off, insisting that it wasn’t a big deal, that I realized what had happened. He had sex with me and I never gave my consent. That is rape’s purest and simplest definition. I didn’t want to call it rape, because I didn’t want to be labeled as a victim. I didn’t want to say I was raped because I didn’t want to become a statistic. I didn’t want to say I was raped because I was afraid someone would tell me I wasn’t because there was no violence.

Why is the word rape automatically synonymous with violence? Why does the word not include ambiguous and confusing situations, which normally involve alcohol? This is something I fear a large number of people, not just women, have to deal with.

It doesn’t matter the circumstance; sex without consent is rape.

*Derek’s name has been changed to preserve his anonymity.

Cover Image Credit: http://talesofbebu.tumblr.com/post/89856939814/sometimes-love-just-aint-enough

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To The Girl Struggling With Her Body Image

It's not about the size of your jeans, but the size of your heart, soul, and spirit.

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To the girl struggling with her body image,

You are more than the number on the scale. You are more than the number on your jeans and dresses. You are way more than the number of pounds you've gained or lost in whatever amount of time.

Weight is defined as the quantity of matter contained by a body or object. Weight does not define your self-worth, ambition or potential.

So many girls strive for validation through the various numbers associated with body image and it's really so sad seeing such beautiful, incredible women become discouraged over a few numbers that don't measure anything of true significance.

Yes, it is important to live a healthy lifestyle. Yes, it is important to take care of yourself. However, taking care of yourself includes your mental health as well. Neglecting either your mental or physical health will inflict problems on the other. It's very easy to get caught up in the idea that you're too heavy or too thin, which results in you possibly mistreating your body in some way.

Your body is your special, beautiful temple. It harbors all of your thoughts, feelings, characteristics, and ideas. Without it, you wouldn't be you. If you so wish to change it in a healthy way, then, by all means, go ahead. With that being said, don't make changes to impress or please someone else. You are the only person who is in charge of your body. No one else has the right to tell you whether or not your body is good enough. If you don't satisfy their standards, then you don't need that sort of negative influence in your life. That sort of manipulation and control is extremely unhealthy in its own regard.

Do not hold back on things you love or want to do because of how you interpret your body. You are enough. You are more than enough. You are more than your exterior. You are your inner being, your spirit. A smile and confidence are the most beautiful things you can wear.

It's not about the size of your jeans. It's about the size of your mind and heart. Embrace your body, observe and adore every curve, bone and stretch mark. Wear what makes you feel happy and comfortable in your own skin. Do your hair and makeup (or don't do either) to your heart's desire. Wear the crop top you've been eyeing up in that store window. Want a bikini body? Put a bikini on your body, simple.

So, as hard as it may seem sometimes, understand that the number on the scale doesn't measure the amount or significance of your contributions to this world. Just because that dress doesn't fit you like you had hoped doesn't mean that you're any less of a person.

Love your body, and your body will love you right back.

Cover Image Credit: Lauren Margliotti

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20 Amazing Songs You Need For Your Travel Music Videos

Planning to make your new travel video? Use one of these songs as your perfect background music!

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Based on the mood you're currently feeling, here are 20 different songs categorized by when you should use them for a traveling music video:


1. For Those Classic Summer Feels

"Harvest Moon" by Poolside

"Gone" by JR JR

"Hold My Hand" by Jess Glynne

"Summer" by Calvin Harris

For all the lake adventures and mission trips, these are the perfect songs to put behind them to share your experience. Using these songs, your video can have a perfect summer vibe to it!

2. For A Good Winter Vacation

"The Days" by Avicii

"Something Just Like This" by The Chainsmokers

"Roses" by The Chainsmokers

"It Ain't Me" by Kygo ft. Selena Gomez

It's hard finding a perfect song for a cold winter day. These songs can work amazingly to any snowy adventurous video you've made for your winter break.

3. For Everyday Adventures

"Shut Up and Dance" by WALK THE MOON

"To Let Myself Go" by The Avener

"All That Matters" by Justin Bieber

"Youth" by Troye Sivan

We all have our daily vlogs filled with school and friends. These songs can put a touch of amusement and thrill to these videos!

4. For The Perfect Spring Break At The Beach

"Steal My Girl" by One Direction

"The Nights" by Avicii

"Runaways" by Galantis

"Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen

Every girl has the perfect week at the beach once a year! These songs can show off how incredible your experience with your friends was.

5. For Those City Nights

"Bullet Train" by Stephen Swartz

"Love You Like A Love Song" by Selena Gomez

"G.O.M.D." by J. Cole

"The Heart Wants What It Wants" by Selena Gomez

We all take visits to the city and never have the right songs to make a video with. These upbeat songs will make your city vlog into a perfect travel video!

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