I Didn't Want To Call It Rape
Start writing a post

I Didn't Want To Call It Rape

Sometimes things aren't black and white.

I Didn't Want To Call It Rape

I hopped in my car to drive to the mixer. I lived far enough away from the frat to justify not pre-gaming just to be able to drive, especially since I was wearing heels. I walked into the frat, and a standard party occurred. Games of pong were played, many filled with wine instead of beer. Popular songs were played and everyone danced the night away.

As I left several hours later, I realized that I made a mistake. The heels that seemed reasonable enough earlier in the evening were now hurting enough to make me limp. After walking fifty feet, I tried taking off the shoes, only to cut my feet on the gravel. I saw a nearby fraternity’s flashing lights and bumping music, and remembered my friend Derek*, who often sober monitored there.

I called him, and he said that I could chill in his room with some of my friends until the end of the party, where he would drive us home. My girlfriends and I went up together, and we shared a couple of bottles of wine while waiting for the party to end and Derek's sobering shift to end.

Again, I had made a mistake. I lost count of how many cups I drank, and I was soon falling asleep in Derek’s bed. During this time, Derek came upstairs and told us he could drive us back now. I insisted on staying, saying I wanted to sleep there, repeating that it was fine. I fell asleep, and the next thing I remember is Derek in bed with me, his arms around me and his lips on my neck.

I had made a mistake.

The next morning, I woke up. Utterly confused and lost as to how one of my friends could have sex with me when I was so drunk. I didn’t understand how this could have happened. I did everything right that night. I didn’t drive. I didn’t try to walk home by myself. I stayed with a friend-- someone I had trusted.

For awhile, I didn’t know what to call it. Drunken sex? He took advantage of me? Sexual assault? Rape…? But how could it have been rape if there were no bruises? He didn’t threaten me, hold a knife to my throat? I didn’t black out, I remembered the event. He wasn’t a stranger, he was a friend.

I remember thinking that I wouldn’t have let this happen if I was sober. I remember trying to say no, barely even able to move my arms to push him off. I never said yes, and I couldn’t say no.

Only after many weeks of laughing it off, insisting that it wasn’t a big deal, that I realized what had happened. He had sex with me and I never gave my consent. That is rape’s purest and simplest definition. I didn’t want to call it rape, because I didn’t want to be labeled as a victim. I didn’t want to say I was raped because I didn’t want to become a statistic. I didn’t want to say I was raped because I was afraid someone would tell me I wasn’t because there was no violence.

Why is the word rape automatically synonymous with violence? Why does the word not include ambiguous and confusing situations, which normally involve alcohol? This is something I fear a large number of people, not just women, have to deal with.

It doesn’t matter the circumstance; sex without consent is rape.

*Derek’s name has been changed to preserve his anonymity.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

Fall Is Here!

10 reasons why you should love fall

Fall Is Here!
Photo Cred: T Stangell

It's officially fall, which means I am happy, so very happy. Fall is hands down the best season on the planet. Below, I will go over reasons as to why fall is the best and should be loved by everyone.

Keep Reading...Show less

Coffee! Coffee! Coffee!

Lorelai Gilmore and I are kindred spirits.

Coffee! Coffee! Coffee!

When I was in high school, I was the occasional coffee drinker, if you could call it that. I would drink Starbucks frappuccinos and iced mocha drinks, which were more like snacks than coffee, BUT they had coffee in them, so I said I drank coffee. I progressed from my love of “snack drinks" to a more general appreciation of coffee, and would have a cup of coffee once a week or so. My “cup of coffee" would consist of a little coffee and a lot of cream and sugar, but it was coffee nonetheless. Then I started college.

Keep Reading...Show less
14 of the Most Revolutionary Short Films of All Time

Today's society places a ridiculous amount of importance on social media and what we see on our computer screens. Some of these short films you might have seen shared on Facebook. Some of them you may have never even heard of. Whatever the case may be, these productions have used thier position of power in our world today to spread a message. The messages vary from domestic violence, LGBTQ acceptance, self-love, the role of men in society to end the unfair treatment towards women and even the promotion of the furtherence of medical discovery in our country. Regardless of the message, each film advertises something that needs far more screen time than Victoria's Secret Fashion shows or Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Here are 14 of the best and most revolutionary short films to date:

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Heading Home For The Summer

Why go somewhere fun when you can go home?

girl with parents

Well, this school year has come to a close, and it's off to having fun in the sun. For college students, summer offers a few different options: get an internship somewhere AMAZING like NYC, India or somewhere else awesome, travel, stay in your college town or go home for the summer. Whatever the reasoning, many people do end up going home and living with their parents during the summer. Many things are different when you go home for the summer. After almost a whole year being an adult, it's time to return to your parent's home and follow rules that you threw to the wind the second you stepped on campus last fall. And you get to see all your old friends, the ones who came home anyway. You'll also see people you haven't talked to since you graduated that you were really okay with never seeing again. If you are going home for the summer, here are some things that will happen to you.

Keep Reading...Show less

14 Signs You Have A Big Butt

You will only understand these if you have a big rear end.

Kim Kardashian pours champagne onto her big butt

The 'big booty' is all the rage right now, thanks to Kim Kardashian. People are getting butt implants just to have that 'perfect butt.' But what a lot of people don't realize is having a big butt kind of sucks. Here some things you will understand if you have a big butt.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments