If Jesus Christ Had A Diary It Would Probably Look Like This | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Lifestyle

If Jesus Christ Had A Diary It Would Probably Look Like This

The archaeological find of the century.

Nolan Nightingale
Mar 19, 2018
Susquehanna University
235
If Jesus Christ Had A Diary It Would Probably Look Like This
123rf.com

Who wants to know an obscure fact about me? Too bad, you're going to hear one. In addition to being an esoteric, comedy writer, I am also an archaeologist on my free time (as with everything I write...don't question it). I only bring this up because I have just stumbled upon The Holy Grail of Christian artifacts!

Well, a figurative Holy Grail. Not the real Holy Grail.

I can see how that would be confusing. Anywho...I have found the teenage diary of Jesus Christ! Here is an excerpt from it:

February 3

Dear Diary,

I can't believe that Peter didn't invite me to his birthday party! Even worse, he lied to me about it. I went up to him and asked him about it and he told me he wasn't having a party. Three times! I just don't get it. I am great at parties. I turn water into wine. I'm a walking keg!

Mags tried to comfort me about the whole thing, offered to wash my feet. That seems to be her go-to for every problem. "Mags, my mom and I got in a fight." "Let me wash your feet." It's kinda weird. I ditched her to hang out with Judas.

Judas is just a really cool guy. He gets me. I know that I could pretty much tell him anything and he wouldn't sell me out. He's just that kind of guy.

Anyways, it's getting sort of late, and I get cross in the mornings if I don't get enough sleep.

Sincerely,

JC


December 25

Dear Diary,

Well, it's my birthday. Yay me, I guess. I turned 16, which is pretty cool. I got a permit to ride a camel. You know, it's kind of weird that the year keeps counting up to the exact age I am. Like, why'd they choose the year I was born to be the Year Zero? Odd stuff.

Anyways, my stepdad got me the worst birthday present. It was just a saw. He wants me to be a carpenter just like him. That's fine, I guess. I don't know though. I've always wanted to go into a business where I can make a profit...

Hey, that gives me a crazy idea.

Peace out,

JC


January 15

Dear Diary,

My principal sucks. Mr. Pilate got mad and threw me out of school for "Derailing the conversation." Told me that I was lucky he wasn't giving me 40 lashes. All I did was get up and start preaching. Is that so bad? This town sucks. I'm gonna hit the road, I think.

Anyways, I'm thinking about growing a beard. I don't know, it might look a little silly. I'll keep it under consideration.

Catch you on the flip side,

JC

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Featured

AI music threatens creativity

The Soul of Sound: How AI Challenges Human Expression in Music

303094
Humans and robots face off in a rock band battle with guitars and drums, under dynamic lighting.
StableDiffusion

In an age where artificial intelligence can mimic the voice of Freddie Mercury or reimagine pop hits as synthwave ballads, a new frontier has emerged — one that blurs the line between innovation and erosion. While AI offers undeniable benefits in technical domains, its intrusion into creative arts, especially music, raises urgent questions. Not just about copyright, but about culture, education, and the very soul of artistic expression.


Keep Reading...Show less
ai generated music
Entertainment

Every Girl Needs To Listen To 'She Used To Be Mine' By Sara Bareilles

These powerful lyrics remind us how much good is inside each of us and that sometimes we are too blinded by our imperfections to see the other side of the coin, to see all of that good.

Miami University
637193
Every Girl Needs To Listen To 'She Used To Be Mine' By Sara Bareilles

The song was sent to me late in the middle of the night. I was still awake enough to plug in my headphones and listen to it immediately. I always did this when my best friend sent me songs, never wasting a moment. She had sent a message with this one too, telling me it reminded her so much of both of us and what we have each been through in the past couple of months.

Keep Reading...Show less
music
Entertainment

Why Your Astrological Sign May Not Match Your Personality

We are all more than just one sign.

SUNY Plattsburgh
551892
Zodiac wheel with signs and symbols surrounding a central sun against a starry sky.

What's your sign? It's one of the first questions some of us are asked when approached by someone in a bar, at a party or even when having lunch with some of our friends. Astrology, for centuries, has been one of the largest phenomenons out there. There's a reason why many magazines and newspapers have a horoscope page, and there's also a reason why almost every bookstore or library has a section dedicated completely to astrology. Many of us could just be curious about why some of us act differently than others and whom we will get along with best, and others may just want to see if their sign does, in fact, match their personality.

Keep Reading...Show less
astrology
Entertainment

20 Song Lyrics To Put A Spring Into Your Instagram Captions

"On an island in the sun, We'll be playing and having fun"

UNC Greensboro
531482
Person in front of neon musical instruments; glowing red and white lights.
Photo by Spencer Imbrock on Unsplash

Whenever I post a picture to Instagram, it takes me so long to come up with a caption. I want to be funny, clever, cute and direct all at the same time. It can be frustrating! So I just look for some online. I really like to find a song lyric that goes with my picture, I just feel like it gives the picture a certain vibe.

Here's a list of song lyrics that can go with any picture you want to post!

Keep Reading...Show less
spring
Relationships

The Importance Of Being A Good Person

An open letter to the good-hearted people.

Sacred Heart University
809272
Chalk drawing of scales weighing "good" and "bad" on a blackboard.
WP content

Being a good person does not depend on your religion or status in life, your race or skin color, political views or culture. It depends on how good you treat others.

We are all born to do something great. Whether that be to grow up and become a doctor and save the lives of thousands of people, run a marathon, win the Noble Peace Prize, or be the greatest mother or father for your own future children one day. Regardless, we are all born with a purpose. But in between birth and death lies a path that life paves for us; a path that we must fill with something that gives our lives meaning.

Keep Reading...Show less
good person

Trending Topics

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments