My whole entire middle-school and half of my high-school career was a desolate pit. I was so confused and tossed too-and-fro by every wind of doctrine. I wanted and needed something to believe in, and I leaned on sand. I found fortress in surrounding myself with people who were just as broken as I was. Eventually I was so covered with sin, it wasn't even bad anymore. You start to make excuses for the sin, you cover it up for a temporary happiness. A temporary fix for a permanent problem. How can we blame God when our lives are crappy if we continue in sin?

I have no doubts in my mind that the devil was working and trying to make me lolly-gag around in my race towards Jesus. He is the great tempter who temps us with temporary things. We have to cut the sin out of our lives as the jews cut the throat of the lamb during the daily sacrifice. We have to write the law on our hearts and sincerely love/live for Jesus. It sounds absolutely ludicrous and harsh when I put it in those biblical terms, but it’s the cold, hard truth of the Gospel. It’s the same picture we see of Adam and Eve in Genesis. If you eat of the fruit, “You shall not surely die” says satan, but what he doesn't say is that you shall be a slave to sin until you give your life to Jesus. Lucifer’s deals always come with a catch, and it's a common theme in so many movies today. Why is it so hard to see in our own lives?

When I think of God as my perfect father that I can look up to, it becomes very heartbreaking that I’m disappointing my own perfect family on purpose. I’m sure we all know what it's like to be disappointed by someone you love. Why would we intentionally do the same thing to God when He is the only one who loves us with agape love? The gospel tells us that nothing we could ever do would make us un worthy of Gods love, but we should feel bad for disappointing our father and feel remorse for continuing to do things we know we should not do. Jesus saved all of our wretched souls so that we wouldn’t die as a result of inevitable sin in our lives.

But just as in the old testament, there has to be a daily sacrifice. Jesus came to Earth and lived a perfect life to give us an example and to be our final sacrifice, but he did not take away the daily sacrifice. We no longer have to have blood shed for forgiveness, but we do have to confess, repent and ask for forgiveness. He asked us to lay down our lives for him and pick up our cross, daily. He came, died and resurrected so that we may have the Holy Spirit in our hearts so long as we ask for it. The Holy Spirit is what gives us the feelings and good thoughts, it resides in our hearts and makes them full. I thought that through praying “deliver me from evil, and lead me not into temptation” that God was going to suddenly take the actual temptation away. By no means am I saying that he can't, but when it showed up again and I fell into it, I didn't understand why he didn't just take it away. Trials by fire, everything we do is a test of our faithfulness. Be faithful and close to Him always and he will release you of temptation, not because your desire of sin won't be there, but because your desire for him will be greater. When I pray those same words now, I’m asking God to remove the desire from my mind and replace it with the holy spirit. We must stay in prayer and in constant dependance on our savior to lead a life without sin. When I finally found the Lord, I finally found myself.

This time two years ago, he delivered me. He spoke to me and allowed me to see life through the most beautiful lens I could've asked for, and He continues to show me more and more beautiful things every day. I couldn't be more thankful for the life I have and the people in it. The Lord brought me out of the sand to his rock and cornerstone: Jesus. I'm thankful to say that I don't feel as though I'm in a desolate pit now. The Lord is good to me and I know his timing works perfectly. I know he's put me here for a reason, and I have faith that it's to spread truth. The Lord has promised to deliver me and to give me the strength and courage to speak his word and know his truth. All he asks for is recognition and worship, and he is more than worhty of it.