An In-Depth Description Of The Characters In 'Terrible Mall Commercial'

An In-Depth Description Of The Characters In 'Terrible Mall Commercial'

I am “get yourself an outfit” girl.
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If you’ve been present on social media in the past week I’m sure you’ve seen what people are calling a “terrible mall commercial.” Honestly, it’s one of the most awkward and tragic things I’ve ever seen, but it is also the funniest video ever and I’ve probably watched it 20 times today. I’ve never seen seven people so hyped for back to school shopping but here they are.


1. Narrator girl

She’s sweet, cute and actually sort of in tune unlike every person in this video.

2. Denim lady

Those jeans are a bedazzled mess.

3. HAIRCUTS girl

Best singer of all of the sale’s people.

4. "Backpacks backpacks" girl that looks like young Miley Cyrus

Who is she? Is that young Miley or new Miley in disguise? Potential Twitter conspiracy theory thread???

5. Boots and pants porcupine hair guy

He's honestly so cute — I hope he's happy out there in the world.

6. New shoes with the zebra hair

OK, is she scared of the camera?

7. “Get yourself an outfit”

This outfit is ugly as heck like girl please that outfit is not cute. But all in all, this b*tch is me. She has a small amount of screen time compared to the rest of the people in the commercial, but the line is the most iconic. Get yourself an outfit girl is the greatest and underappreciated.


I love the old-timey microphone in all of the scenes. Who the heckie decided that? Honestly, I think I’ll ever have another sad day again because this video never fails to make me laugh. In under a minute my life could go from complete sh*t to pretty freakin’ great all because of “get yourself an outfit” girl and the shopping mall homies. Bookmark this video guys and gals because the terrible mall commercial is here to stay.

Cover Image Credit: CBS News

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50 Quotes from the Best Vines

If you're picturing the vines in your head, you're doing it right
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In 2017 we had to say goodbye to one of the best websites to ever roam the internet: Vine. In case you have been living under a rock since 2013, Vine was -(sad face)- a website and app that took the internet and the app store by storm in Winter 2013. It contained 6-second videos that were mostly comedy- but there were other genres including music, sports, cool tricks and different trends. Vine stars would get together and plan out a vine and film it till they got it right.

It was owned by Twitter and it was shut down because of so many reasons; the viners were leaving and making money from Youtube, there was simply no money in it and Twitter wanted us to suffer.

There's been a ton of threads on Twitter of everyone's favorite vines so I thought I'd jump in and share some of my favorites. So without further ado, here are some quotes of vines that most vine fanatics would know.

1. "AHH...Stahhp. I coulda dropped mah croissant"

2. "Nate how are those chicken strips?" "F%#K YA CHICKEN STRIPS.....F%#K ya chicken strips!"

3. "Road work ahead? Uh Yea, I sure hope it does"

4. "Happy Crimus...." "It's crismun..." "Merry crisis" "Merry chrysler"

5. "...Hi Welcome to Chili's"

6. "HoW dO yOu kNoW wHaT's gOoD fOr mE?" "THAT'S MY OPINIONNN!!!.."

7."Welcome to Bible Study. We're all children of Jesus... Kumbaya my looordd"

8. Hi my name's Trey, I have a basketball game tomorrow. Well I'm a point guard, I got shoe game..."

9. "It's a avocadooo...thanks"

10. "Yo how much money do you have?" "69 cents" "AYE you know what that means?" "I don't have enough money for chicken nuggets"

11. "Hurricane Katrina? More like Hurricane Tortilla."

12. "Hey Tara you want some?" "This b*%th empty. YEET!"

13. "Get to Del Taco. They got a new thing called Freesha-- Free-- Freeshavaca do"

14. "Mothertrucker dude that hurt like a buttcheek on a stick"

15. "Two brooss chillin in a hot tub 5 feet apart cuz they're not gay"

16. "Jared can you read number 23 for the class?" "No I cannot.... What up I'm Jared, I'm 19 and I never f#@%in learned how to read."

17. "Not to be racist or anything but Asian people SSUUGHHH"

18. 18. "I wanna be a cowboy baby... I wanna be a cowboy baby"

19. "Hey, I'm lesbian" "I thought you were American"

20. "I spilled lipstick in your Valentino bag" "you spilled- whaghwhha- lipstick in my Valentino White bag?"

21. "What's better than this? Guys bein dudes"

22. "How'd you get these bumps? ya got eggzma?" "I got what?" "You got eggzma?"

23. "WHAT ARE THOSEEEEE?" "THEY are my crocs!"

24. "Can I get a waffle? Can I please get a waffle?"

25. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY RAVEN!" "I can't sweem"

26. "Say Coloradoo" "I'M A GIRAFFE!!"

27. "How much did you pay for that taco?" Aight yo you know this boys got his free tacoo"

28. *Birds chirping* "Tweekle Tweekle"

29. "Girl, you're thicker than a bowl of oatmeal"

30. "I brought you Frankincense" "Thank you" "I brought you Myrrh" "Thank you" "Mur-dur" "huh...Judas..no"

31. "Sleep? I don't know about sleep...it's summertime" "You ain't go to bed?" "Oh she caught me"

32. "All I wanna tell you is school's not important... Be whatever you wanna be. If you wanna be a dog...RUFF. You know?"33. "Oh I like ya accent where you from?" "I'm Liberian" "Oh, my bad *whispering* I like your accent..."

34. "Next Please" "Hello" "Sir, this is a mug shot" "A mug shot? I don't even drink coffee"


35. "Hey did you happen to go to class last week?" "I have never missed a class"

36. "Go ahead and introduce yourselves" "My name is Michael with a B and I've been afraid of insects my entire-" "Stop, stop, stop. Where?" "Hmm?" "Where's the B?" "There's a bee?"

37. "There's only one thing worse than a rapist...Boom" "A child" "No"

38. "Later mom. What's up me and my boys are going to see Uncle Kracker...GIVE ME MY HAT BACK JORDAN! DO YOU WANNA SEE UNCLE KRACKER OR NO?


39. "Dad look, it's the good kush." This is the dollar store, how good can it be?"

40. "Zach stop...Zach stop...You're gonna get in trouble. Zach"

41. "CHRIS! Is that a weed? "No this is a crayon-" I'm calling the police" *puts 911 into microwave* "911 what's your emergency"

42. "WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? "

43. *Blowing vape on table* * cameraman blows it away* "ADAM"

44. "Would you like the spider in your hand?" "Yea" "Say please" "Please" *puts spider in hand* *screams*

45. "Oh hi, thanks for checking in I'm still a piece of garrbaagge"

46. *girl blows vape* "...WoW"

47. *running* "...Daddy?" "Do I look like-?"

48. *Pours water onto girl's face" "Hello?"

49. "Wait oh yes wait a minute Mr. Postman" "HaaaAHH"

50. "...And they were roommates" "Mah God they were roommates"


I could literally go on forever because I just reference vines on a daily basis. Rest in peace Vine

Cover Image Credit: Vine

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Poetry On Odyssey: 'Surround'

Inspired by Surround Yourself, an exhibition by Jordan Wilshaw at Eastern Michigan University in April of 2018.
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Sound yourself with the doers.


Surround yourself with the movers,

the shakers,

the believers,

the winner,

the crazies.


Surround yourself with the the dreamers.


Surround yourself with the “good ones”.

Surround yourself with the people who just get it — whatever “it” is.


Surround yourself with people you love.
Surround yourself with those who love you.
Surround yourself with love.



Surround yourself with art.


___________________

For more art by Wilshaw, see their website here.

Cover Image Credit: Author's Photo

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