The Delusions Every Girl Has When Menstruating

The Delusions Every Girl Has When Menstruating

Ah period humour… can’t get any drier than this.
133
views

I think (not trying to assume anything here) that many females who have experienced a period in their lifetime have suffered from at least one if not all of these delusions.

I don’t know if it is the hormones or some weird form of a group thing, but tried and true, every single girl I have talked to about these situations has responded with, “YES, me every month,” or some variation of that comment.

So whether you’re a curious male or a blood sister enjoy some of these ridiculous but true thoughts conjured up by the female mind.

There are those gals who track their cycle and anticipate the coming flood like Noah:

Alright period, according to my app you are scheduled for arrival in t-minus one day.

A day passes…

I’m pregnant.

And then there are those who like to add a little suspense to their month/don’t mind doing laundry who happen upon a conversation such as this:

Friend: Ugh I’m on my period and feeling so gross. Second days, am I right?
Her: Lol ugh that sucks. Yeah my last period was… like… over a month ago, I think.
S*** I’M PREGNANT.

The one who half-a**edly participates in period-rants but doesn’t really care or overthink the timeframes:

Yeah I like to go-with-the-flow (period pun) and I don’t feel any side-effects from my period either.

*goes into a room alone*

Yeah I’ve never been more pregnant and I will be having a child in nine months.

My personal favorite, the one who hasn’t had sex.

My period isn’t late, I just ate a big lunch, I am on day 10 and I have never had sex with a male with the ability to conceive.
And the answer to your question is yes, I am pregnant.

So basically the point here is that every woman is currently pregnant.

Just kidding, the real point is that there are a lot of women who unrealistically think that they are pregnant at any given moment. And there’s really nothing anyone can do to convince them/we/us otherwise.

Cover Image Credit: Vladislav Muslakov

Popular Right Now

To The Girl Who Still Has Her Mom This Christmas

To the girl with who is blessed enough to have her momma this Christmas. 
34311
views

     To the girl who is blessed enough to have her momma this Christmas, please remember to soak every last bit of it in. 

      Please remember to hug her so tight, that the way she smells is locked into your nose. Listen to all the stories you've heard a million times, like you've never heard a single one. Help her, even if it seems completely silly to you, help her mix that cake. Laugh, oh please laugh. Laugh at all her corky ways, at the way she mispronounces words, try's to be hip and use new found lingo, or how she cusses when she forgot to get the rolls out of the oven but quickly asks the Lord for forgiveness. Remember her laugh, etch it into your brain. Make her happy, if she wants to go riding around looking at Christmas lights down the same streets you've went for years, do it. Don't fuss, take her advice, agree to just disagree on things. It's not worth it. Most importantly, remind her over and over how much you love her. 

     Because unlike you, I'm not able to see my mom on Christmas. I'm not able to see her on birthdays, Thanksgiving, or any other occasion. My time with her is up. Death is the most permanent heartbreak. 

     How I long to hear her voice, her laugh. To feel her tight embrace. Smell, oh god, what I would give to just be able to smell her. I would absolutely love to go riding around for hours while she ohhs and ahhs at every single house we pass. If I had the opportunity I'd tell her just how much I love her, how I'm so thankful for all the sacrifices she made for me. In fact, I'm not sure I could ever tell her enough. 

      Some days I wake up and it still doesn't feel real. Others, I panic trying to remember exactly how she sounded. Because, I don't want to forget. I don't want to forget a single characteristic about her. Not one. 

     Take time, not just on holidays, or special occasions to be with your mom. Even if it's just you two piled up watching reruns of "The Little House on the Prairie", soak it in. 

    You only get one momma. Nobody could ever take her place. She's your rock. 

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

The Kevin Hart Controversy Shows The Death Of Comedy And The Rise Of Political Correctness

Kevin Hart has apologized for recent tweets containing homophobic language. In doing so, he's further shown how comedy is dying and political correctness is rising.

17
views

The Academy Awards are a big event for film lovers every year. There seems to be extra anticipation for this year's ceremony. This is because it seems like newly acclaimed actress Lady Gaga may take home the statue for Best Actress. While that would inevitably make our gay hearts very happy, the host of the show would need to do the same. On the surface, Kevin Hart seemed like an ideal host. But this is 2018 and if you look for something bad, chances are you're going to find it.

Very shortly after the announcement, several past tweets from Hart emerged. These were tweets of jokes. I never think it's a good idea for comedians to work out their stand-up routine via Twitter, because it tends to come back to haunt them. There were homophobic slurs and comments about how he wouldn't accept his son as gay. The academy gave Hart a choice between publicly apologizing for his tweets or losing the opportunity of a lifetime. Hart declined to apologize claiming that he explained himself since then. Several people spoke out on both sides of the argument. Hart eventually did apologize via Twitter and revealed he stepped down as host because he didn't want to be a distraction.

I don't think Hart should've apologized. Prior to his apology, Hart said via Instagram that we too often feed the internet trolls. I agree with that statement. The fact that Hart's past tweets made headlines so soon after he was announced as host is very telling. There seemed to be a lynch mob mentality targeting Hart. Whenever a celebrity apologizes these days, it comes across as phony. They're apologizing because they got caught and want to avoid scandal. They don't want their career destroyed. This doesn't actually help the celebrity at all. What it does, is give the lynch mob more power. In order to take power away from these trolls, public figures need to stop apologizing.

Hart had previously explained himself in an interview with Rolling Stone magazine. He said that the joke about his son in particular was meant to be ironic. "The funny thing within that joke is it's me getting mad at my son because of my own insecurities — I panicked," he said. "It has nothing to do with him, it's about me." I understand this explanation and I'm inclined to believe him. If I were Hart, I would've posted a screenshot of this quote without saying anything. This is what comedy is based on. The whole reason we find what stand-up comedians say funny is the absurdity of it all. Unfortunately, it seems like this is an art form that is losing it's power.

Lisa Lampanelli, dubbed as the "Queen of Mean," recently announced she was retiring from stand-up. Lampanelli is an insult comic who often makes jokes about racial stereotypes. She explained that the reason for her retirement is because her intentions to unite people would be understood better by becoming a life coach. I find this disheartening. Comedians shouldn't stop doing what they do because some people don't understand it. If their intentions are positive, they should keep going despite the criticism. There will always be critics.

Nick Cannon retweeted several past tweets from comedians Chelsea Handler, Amy Schumer, and Sara Silverman. These tweets included apparent jokes using the same homophobic slur Hart used. Cannon's point being that these women are given a pass, while Hart is being punished. Silverman appeared to respond by retweeting a post from a gay man. The man explained that since these female comedians were public activists for LGBTQ rights, their intentions were clearer.

I can see where this man is coming from. However, one doesn't need to be an outspoken activist for LGBT rights to support them or the community itself. Plus, jokes are jokes. If Hart explained his intentions weren't homophobic, I see no reason why his jokes are held to a different standard. Why is it okay to only question whether or not Hart is genuine? What if Handler, Schumer, and Silverman are just using the LGBTQ community for profit? Assumptions can be made about anybody, whether they're an outspoken activist or not.

I don't think assumptions should be made about anyone. I'm sure you know the saying about what making assumptions does. Comedy is an art form that is all about being politically incorrect. There is a reason these jokes are funny to people and comedians shouldn't have to apologize for them. Intent matters and punishing artists for expressing themselves should have no place in our society. That is a form of judgment that shouldn't be tolerated. After all, a world with less judgment is what we're all striving for.

Related Content

Facebook Comments