I've never watched nor read '50 Shades of Grey.' It just seems so uninteresting. So uninteresting, in fact, that I literally looked up 50 actual shades of gray on various paint websites and will now rank them all for you.

1. The hint of green gives this color the top spot

2. It just seems so soothing...and the name!!

3. It really does look like smoke

4. I can just see myself on a long journey across a stormy sea...

5. I feel like Pompeii would really dislike this color but I love it

6. Steinbeck should retitle his novella

7. Those green hints just really get me

8. Like, wow, such subtle hints

9. Oddly relaxing

10. Hints of green and blue!!

11. A strong contender for top 10

12. It in no way implies space and yet all I can think of is space cade

13. I'm starting to regret this but I do not regret choosing this color

14. Is it just me or do this samples look a little funky? Still lovely though

15. And green makes a reappearance

16. Chaucer would love it

17. Spooky...

18. I lava this color a lot

19. I wish my winter quarter had been as calming as this paint color

20. Like honestly is anyone even reading this still?

21. And if they are, are they even reading these comments?

22. They should be

23. Ooh look, a nice hint of like a maroon-ish color

24. Better than the French

25. Cozy enough to wear (but don't do it)

26. Woah, oh, I'm halfway there, woah oh, living on a

27. Wow, that was such a bad joke. I feel like I'm on

28. I bet your feelings towards me right now are rather

29. I promise I'm done with the jokes...for now

30. I wish I could walk straight into this color during finals week

31. I hope you don't think I'm taking this ranking lightly

32. I really am looking closely at all of the different grays I have found

33. All of 50 of which were pre-selected by me from various different websites

34. This is serious business

35. I'm so close to the end now

36. Everything seems to be in an

37. Did y'all hear that Disney next live-action is going to be a remake of Cinderella starring foxes? They're going to call it

38. I crack myself up

39. And the green returns

40. Now time for the bottom ten

41. These weren't the worst colors

42. But they just weren't my favorite

43. A disservice to all tabbies everywhere really

44. I need to ask all of Florence how they feel about this color

45. I just really love green okay!

46. It's like I'm staring at a floor

47. What a dumb name

48. I really dislike this style sample wow

49. This is not even slightly black, it's gray, and that's why it's bottom two

50. This is an excessive amount of green for a color that was filed under grays and blacks

Well, that's it, folks! The best 50 shades of gray I could find on the internet and all justly ranked. I would like to thank Sherwin-Williams, Valspar Paint, and Olympic for making this possible without any knowledge that they were. Also, PPG, but they need to step up their swatching game.

This took way longer than I care to admit and yet I feel like I enjoyed doing it much more than I would ever enjoy actually watching or reading "50 Shades of Grey."