To begin, my formal definition of a Southern gentleman is an attractive man of Southern descent. This Southern gentleman is essentially a paradox. He dresses well but because he wants to, and all of his clothes just naturally fall together. He can afford to, but does not have to, waste money. He acts impetuously but is still someone with superb manners and social graces. He is smooth with the ladies but can be tamed for the right woman. He is beloved by most but not by all.
He comes from the genus "gentleman" and the species "southern." The Southern is the more spicy part of the definition, indicating nonchalant attractiveness, extravagant spending, wild recklessness and smoothness with women. The genus is harder to define.
Everyone has their own definition of what a gentleman is, but for this paper’s sake I will keep it simple: superb manners, chivalrous romance and, above all, honor. This idea of a gentleman stems from the medieval white knight, from whom society developed the Victorian Era’s gentleman, from which most of the traditional gentleman ethics flow. Modern society has its new gentleman, which according to some people might not be a "real man” at all. I am more opportunistic about this generation and think the gentleman still exists because I’ve encountered a good many that fit my definition. More specifically I have even seen the true southern gentleman, according to my standards.
When I asked my friends, the girls had an assortment of definitions. The guys on the other hand named themselves as prime examples. They may be sort of accurate as they all dress well enough, have money and treat ladies with good graces. However, they do not necessarily have the grandeur or mystique of greats such as Rhett Butler or Jay Gatsby - popular characters who seem to have both the spiciness and gentleman qualities that I described earlier. As one of my friends put it, “Rhett Butler has the sex appeal, but still manages to be the kind of man you want to take home to mother.”
This begs the question: What is the difference between my average male friend and these famed movie characters? These movie characters showcase a swagger that places them both as attractive and dangerous. I would dare say that a southern gentleman needs to be indomitable like these characters, so women can feel protected and safe. This might be what some of my guy friends are missing.
To complicate my definition a little further I add the additional adjective "unconquerable." They have fire in their bellies, as my grandfather would put it. Southern gentleman must be doughty and willing to fight for what they want and love. Nobody is perfect; the best two examples I have, Butler and Gatsby, had huge flaws. Their flaws were lovable, though, not unlike Greek tragedy heroes.
Lastly, the operational definition is just that: it is defined by the Southern gentleman’s operations or actions. I think this all depends on the certain gentleman. It could be opening the door, pulling out the chair, buying the meal, or any number of typical chivalrous practices. It could also be the expected romance novel cover where the man embraces the woman in his arms, consuming her with passion. It could be a man defending a woman’s honor or, better yet, rescuing a defenseless child.
On the “spicy” side, an operational definition could be a drinking contest, something a lot of southern men take pride in. To me, it could even be cheating at something as long as it was clever and not for personal gain. Most importantly a southern gentleman’s actions must fit the enigma. If he steals, it must be for the poor. If he sleeps around, it must be because he was hurt in the past. If he lies, it must be to protect the person he loves and so on. I
t is also important to note that his environment should consist of some sort of glamour. It does not have to be Gatsby-esque, but it is necessary for there to be a certain glitter around their lifestyle. By glitter I mean a life others would like to or at least think they would like to have - be that a fancy house or a nonmaterial item like his natural, exuberant personality.
Again, it is important to understand that the Southern gentleman is flawed. Regardless, he is envied. He is the evolution of gentility from the Greek, Medieval, Victorian and modern eras. He is the perfect combination of the gentleman and the southern. He is attractive, suave, tough, rough, polite, respected, admired, envied and flawed.
Moreover, a real southern gentleman is a complex paradox that we are lucky to ever behold.
