An hour ago I received the news I had been dreading.
"We regret to inform you..." it read.
An all-too-generic, lengthy email that sunk my heart in poignant upset and tore my spirit in half. Though decorated in words and proposing the idea of resubmitting an application at a later date, I can not fathom the idea that I have been rejected.
Me... Rejected?
For the past six months, I have been pouring my energy into electronic applications, online tests, networking, and marrying my life to this idea that I would continue my education in the fall. I fell heavily in love with Google images of the campus, extending friendships to people from the area, and openly spreading my admiration of carrying on a lifestyle at this institution. My educators, my coworkers, my mentors, and my family would probe their questions my way regarding today's newfound answer.
"DECLINED," it read.
I have sold my time into participating in extracurriculars, I have attended national conferences in the field, I shook hands with leaders in this industry, and cried waterfalls over the stressors of living day in and day out for the promise of getting accepted into graduate school. All of these milestones, these opportunities, were to distinguish me from the crowd and highlight my abilities as a future leader. To capture my worth in application letters and jeweled awards seems mediocre considering who I am as a person... and in how I will change the world.
To have to breathe in such news taints my soul. I hurt more than these words will ever connote. To reconstruct my vision of the future seems like a complete letdown to all that I had been expecting. There's no simpler way to put it, unfortunately.
Yet, in living for the moment and standing for the good in this world, I refuse to let these negative feelings hold me back from all else that awaits me. Everything happens for a reason—it has to. Maybe this is a sign that I need to review schools and programs with a keener eye, or get my ducks in a row before I invest my entirety on the mere intuitions of hope. This could very well be the pivotal point in my life where the most incredible opportunity is just waiting to reveal itself, now that I've been rejected from the Master's program of my dreams.
I'll reapply, I'll redefine, and I'll reaffirm myself for future applications. To stop now would be lying to my character and ridding myself of all that I am. I live for the thrill in a challenge and I will work diligently to continue bettering my view of this world.
I am worthy.
I am more than an application.
I will overcome defeat by pursuing my passions with greater energy and integrity.
With a now open schedule for the fall, I will welcome it handsomely. I will indulge myself in the wealth of each new day and will start this new chapter of my life with the fondest of outlooks. This is not the end, rather, it's a new beginning.
