Dear You,
The day I broke up with him, the clouds split apart and everything seemed just a little lighter. Granted I should have done this months ago, but something about this now felt right. Sure, we cried and screamed and swore at each other. However, once he clicked the 'end' button and my iPhone went dark, I knew my new life was just beginning.
I never was single before, nor did I know how to even play the
part. Especially in this dating age, considering the amounts of
technology it requires, I didn't even know where to begin. This was
my time.
It
wasn't until months later, comfortable in my new routine, that I found out you were in the picture. That
you had always
been
in the picture. Finding out that you had been dating for a year (and
with my calculations from break up backwards, you were with him for
seven months of my relationship) was a roller coaster ride I didn't
want, nor expect, to encounter. I considered picking up the phone
and screaming at him, demanding how he could do such a thing to me.
I also considered messaging you, telling you how awful of a person
you were. When he told me he was going to the movies with you and
your boyfriend, I didn't know we shared the same one.
I should hate
you, but I don't. I actually need to thank you.
Thank
you for taking away any ounce of compassion I had left for him in my
heart. Thank you for letting me cut every single tie I had with him,
deleting him off of every social media platform and dumping his digits. Thank you for helping me
escape
a completely toxic relationship.
You see, while you
were fondling his heart in the background, I was out in the world finding
myself. Because now I wasn't dwelling on the picture of him with you
on my birthday, the day he didn't even call. I could see him on
Thanksgiving with you where I was left alone because he was "stuck" at school. All of my unanswered texts were texts that went to you.
My heart was able
to let go the minute I realized how much time I was wasting being
angry over the past. The past was the past, and ironically, your
future. Instead of being nasty, I got released. I was freed from
any idea or thought of ever getting back together. I eliminated the
possibility of me making the wrong choice. I found peace on the
exact date of your one year anniversary.
Without you, I
could have been stuck in a rut, trying to validate that I made the
right choice and followed the right path. He was a high school love,
taken with me to college, and one I thought I might end up being with
for years down the road. Boy, am I lucky you came along.
I hope he makes
you happy. Honestly, I do. I hope he found a peace within you that
he couldn't find with me. I hope you don't get the 3:00 a.m. "almost
break-up" calls, the jealousy cards, and the lies. Nonetheless, I
hope you do get the good qualities in him, like his humor, his
kisses, and his radiant smile.
I know it has been a while, but I am in a point of my life that I never would have been in without you. I was blessed on that day in August.
I was blessed
with the gift of you.
Sincerely yours,
The Girl Who Loves Her Freedom
