Dear Parent Who Walked Out On Me,

It's been years since we've spoken. It's been years since I've seen you. It's been years since I've heard your voice. It's been years since we've shared stories about life. It's been what seems like forever since we spent time together. I can't even remember the last conversation we had. I can't even remember the last thing you said to me. I can't even remember the last time I hung up the phone after a five-minute or an hour-long conversation. I can't remember anything about what happened the last time we talked. I don't even remember what day it was.

This letter is to you. It is to tell you that I am no longer angry with you. It is to tell you that I no longer have any hard feelings towards you. It is to tell you that I wish I could look back and remember the day we stopped talking. I wish I could look back and remember the last thing we said to each other. I wish I could look at myself in the mirror and say that it wasn't deserved. But I can't say that. It wasn't only my fault. It was your fault. I've never been perfect but neither were you. We both made mistakes. You were a bully. You were verbally abusive. You criticized everything I ever did. You judged every decision I made. You insulted everything I did in my life. I was never good enough for you. I couldn't do anything to make you happy.

Every time I'd get off the phone with you, I'd be angry. I couldn't understand why I'd tolerated your abuse. You were my dad. You were supposed to treat me with respect. You were supposed to give me advice. You were supposed to stand behind me and next to me through the good, bad and ugly. You weren't supposed to walk out on me. But you did.

I've never been perfect but neither were you. You made mistakes. You did things wrong. You made poor decisions. You made lousy life choices. But you never looked at yourself in the mirror and criticized yourself. You were always trying to be the "big man" and impress people. You always wanted to be "that guy" who was the center of attention. You always had to have people think you were the smartest person in the room and that everyone should look up to you. You weren't perfect. I've never been perfect but neither were you.

I can't remember the last time I heard your voice. I don't know what day it was. I don't know the exact minute of the day of the week of the year we had our last conversation. I know you've told lies about me through the years. I know you've spread childish and immature rumors about me. You said things you couldn't back up. You made accusations that were bogus and completely false. And when you were called out on it you didn't have the backbone to stand behind your words; you simply ignored any conversation or communication like it'd go away, just like you made me go away.

You have two other children who have accomplished almost nothing. They have struggled. They have never done much with their life. They have made disastrous life choices. They have lived a difficult life, yet you adore them. You support them. You stand by them. You don't walk out on them. You never gave up on them like you gave up on me. I'm not perfect. I never have been but neither are you. And you never will be.

You are the parent who walked out on me. You are the parent who has bullied the family. You have convinced them they should not talk to me. They bow down to you. It makes you feel good, I am certain. I have children who don't want to talk to you. I have children who don't want to associate with you. I have a grandchild who doesn't know you and never will. And that's not my fault. It's yours. You've done what you've wanted your entire life, regardless of who it hurts, what happens to the person on the receiving end or how it makes someone feel.

You were never perfect. You never will be. And neither am I. I take responsibility for my action. I never lied. I never told someone something that wasn't true. The sad part is, you'll never know it. Because you're the parent who walked out on me. You never had the backbone to stand up to me, have a reasonable discussion with me or have a mature man-to-man conversation. You turned the other way and ran like a coward. You weren't ever perfect. And neither am I. But I stand up for what I believe in.

You are the parent who walked out on me. I was angry for a long time; I said mean things, until I woke up one day and realized I was behaving just like someone that I have no respect for anymore. I was acting just like you.

I have never claimed that I don't mistakes. I have never claimed that I am perfect. I have never said I don't make stupid life choices. I do. I will. I'm going to. And no matter what you or anyone says about me, I'm just me. I'm not going to do anything different. But I won't be a liar. I won't be a bully. I won't be a fake. I won't make people believe I'm some God-like person that can do no wrong. I'm human. I will continue to make poor life choices. I will continue to make mistakes.

But I won't ever be like you.

You are the parent who walked out on me. I was never perfect. But then, again neither were you. And I have accepted the fact that I will never see you again. I will never speak to you again. I will never hear your voice again. I will never make an attempt to apologize and make amends. For all accounts in my life, you don't exist anymore. You never will. And I want to be angry. But I can't. I just sit here and write this letter to you, to the parent who walked out on me, to the parent who no longer exists in my life.

And as I look at myself in the mirror, I accept the fact that you will no longer be anything to me. I wish you the best. And I hope you find whatever makes you happy. I will do just the same.

Goodbye. You were a great dad one day a long time ago. And that day has past and will never come again. I hope it's what you wanted.