Dear God,

I love you, but sometimes I feel like You are trying to suffocate me. I’ve known for years that You were there, watching over me, making sure that I was doing what You had planned for me here. At times I have failed, and others I have flourished, and sometimes I have ignored Your call altogether.

I have tried to do what is right, most of the time, and I feel like I have done a pretty good job of following Your direction. Yet, at times, I find myself in a very dark place of misdirection and fear. I’m afraid that I am being pulled in two different worlds, the world that You want for me, and the world that I currently belong to. I know which one I am supposed to live in, but the other is so tempting.

I have felt for years that You have called me to something great. You want me to do good in this world and to take care of Your people, but in order to do that I must give up the life that I would have lived before. Grant it, a life unfulfilled, but a life that would have been normal.

I have never felt lonelier than I do right now. I am surrounded by support and understanding, except from You. You promised that You would protect and love me and that You would make sure I always felt your presence, but when I call to You I hear nothing in return.

Sometimes I lay awake at night seething with anger at You. I wonder how You could ever ask this life of me, how You could possibly think that this is right for me. I am no Mary, or Moses, or Jesus Christ, I cannot do everything and it feels like You’re asking the world of me. Sometimes I lay awake at night and cry myself to sleep, praying that You don’t make me do this. Sometimes I sleep soundly at night, knowing that You are there even if I can’t feel it.

God, I am Your child, please remember that I am here and I am struggling to understand what You want from me. I am begging for Your direction. Please don’t leave me alone, because without You, I am lost in the desert.

“Dear Lord, Lead me to make choices that bring You glory, and allow me to experience the life You intended for me.”

~MyBible.com