Since it is Holy Week this week, now would be a good time to reflect on how you have blessed my life. My life isn't perfect and I do face struggles, but in retrospect, my life is pretty good. I have a family who loves me, friends who stand by me, an opportunity to further my education, a roof over my head, shoes on my feet, clothes on my back and a job that helps me pay for the things I want, just to name a few blessings in my life. Even though you have been generous to give me all these things, I still have doubts about my faith and sometimes accuse you for leaving me behind. Even though I know this, why do I still continue to do it?
The answer is simple, because I am human. Instead of listening and trusting you, I feel the need to do it all on my own. I want things done on my watch and not yours, which causes even more problems, I have learned. You know everything that has and will happen in my life, yet I still sometimes think I'm alone in this journey. When I go through those moments of doubt, I look back on those dark moments that I faced in the past and see that while I felt alone at that time, you were there with me all along. You made me strong to say goodbye to people who hurt me, you helped me find myself again, and you helped me forgive myself and others.
With all this being said, I am not worthy of your undying and constant love for me, I am not worthy of your continuous blessings and I am not worthy of your forgiveness. Yet, you are always ready to hear what I have to ask of you each night when I say my prayers. You don't answer every prayer (which is a good thing sometimes) and I can't hear you like some people claim to be able to do. While this sometimes seems unfair to me, I can feel your presence at times in the good moments and the bad. You will never leave me even if sometimes I wander far away. You still find me when I hide and when I am broken. You died for me so that I don't have to be alone and face things by myself. Your love is pure and everlasting and for that I am forever grateful.
Thank you for giving your life so that my soul could be saved. I hope to live a life in which people can see your light through me. It is tough and I know I will spend the rest of my life constantly searching for you, but if this means one day when I die, I will get to spend eternity with you, it will be worth it. I can't wait to ask you someday all the questions I have about myself, my life and the world. Until that day comes, please know that I am forever grateful you are in my life, even if I don't say it all the time like I should.