Dear Cosmo,

I picked up an issue of yours (and let’s be clear, you have a lot of issues). I was reading up on your issues, and couldn’t help but notice

the slim waists and curved calves,

the big blue eyes and the thigh gaps -- which all shone on those thick glossy pages.

“Revlon exudes beauty” an ad read, “Covers up all blemishes” another said,

well cover to cover I read and read,

and concluded that thin lashes and curly hairs are sins worth treating,

it’s so misleading: this “inner beauty” talk, they say it over and over until it doesn’t need repeating,

girls think it, and breathe it, and dream about it while they’re sleeping

Going all day

applying make-up

not eating,

Well I’m tired of changing, this self-rearranging, alterations made, hair colors exchanged.

Some message! --that women are naturally awe-less; the push to wake up flawless, though a million and a half touch-ups secretly done, if we’re gonna be honest.

High definition, extra tan, expertly filtered, done “for the ‘gram”

It’s a plague, it’s a war, no image left alone

Cropped out thigh meat, and exposed collarbones.

Cosmo, I put down your issue and picked up some of my own:

I’m too short, too heavy, my acne’s too over-blown.

Those cover girls are perfect, but wait, readers don’t feel no strife

And little lady subscribers, don’t go under the knife

Pages on pages of skinny, of gorgeous, but they’ve got a secret, hold tight,

And get a load of what Cosmo knows, (because these lies ain’t right)

Guess what?

Not even the models look like the magazine ads in real life.